There's a reason Vinny is a bad-guy name.

Some people spend Spring Break at the beach getting a tan and forgetting about the world. Last time I did that, I got a sunburn so bad that I had to take steroids. This Spring Break, I got two cavities filled and went to the doctor. I don't think Spring Break likes me.

First: my teeth.

 On Monday, I go in for a cleaning, thinking no problem, I floss and brush plenty. My teeth will pass with flying colors. By the end, the dental-lady (who is really nice, but whose name I can never recall) was stabbing a hook into my tooth, going, "Looks like you've got a little cavity--oh, two little cavities!"

WAH...?. 

Ok, no big deal Laura. Last time you had a tooth filled, the big mouth shot only hurt a little bit and you were ok. 

No. I went in this morning expecting the tiny mouth  shot and got two big ones in a row, with the dentist flapping my cheek back and forth to make sure it all got in there. OW. OWOWOWOW. STOP LACERATING MY RAGGED CHEEK. 

Thankfully, this meant that I felt nothing as they took care of the "little" cavities. For the next few hours after, the entire left side of my jaw felt like dead weight and I kept accidentally biting my tongue when I talked. From now on, I'm brushing for three minutes every time. Promise. 

Second: St. George

St. George is the G.I. doctor whose name is actually Dr. Brown, but I prefer to call him St. George because I expect him to kill the dragon in my belly. For all intensive purposes, I'm naming the dragon "Vinny". 

Anyway, yesterday my mother and I dragged Vinny down to meet St. George. I was scared he would actually try to meet Vinny face-to-face, but no one stuck me with anything or looked inside me and I was beyond thrilled. No, St. George was a very nice man and we talked for a while. He even used the phrase "the beast within", so I knew he was perfect. 

He said that Vinny was probably of the Acid Reflux species. He wasn't sure where Vinny came from, but maybe when I had the first stomach bug the valve between my stomach and esophagus--the one that's supposed to hold Vinny hostage--got loose and hasn't healed up. 

He gave me some new pills and I am scolding Vinny to take and use them. I also have a new battle plan to eat less, not eat after eight, sleep propped up, and take lots of Tums. If the war plan leads to victory in a couple of months, I'll be all clear. If not, then I have to have an acid probe. That means they would put me under, stick a tube with a camera on it down my throat to check Vinny out, and then leave a metal capsule in there for a couple days to track the fire he's breathing up my esophagus. Depending on how bad that is, there could be surgery (BUT I HOPE NONE OF THAT HAPPENS).

Today I tried the new medicine and had significantly less heartburn. Let's hope it stays that way.

The rest of Spring Break has been significantly less painful. I've spent some solid time with mom--shopping in Knoxville, going to the Bush's Beans family restaurant and museum (I'm slowly morphing into a gin-you-wine Tennessean. I've even fallen back into the accent. YES.), and making cupcakes. Last night Daniel made me go to Walmart with him to help pick out clothes for his new job--and then he talked my ear off about all his feelings. It was great. 

This family stuff--I'm afraid of losing it. I feel like I'm in the twilight of my childhood. Soon enough there'll be another sunrise and I will be a big girl, far away. Will I feel as close to them then? Should I stay here to keep as close as I can? Daniel's going to college soon and Audrey's going to get her learner's permit this month--when did that happen?? When did my mom get so weak? When did dad get so tired? When did we leave behind the days when we were together all the time, building forts and making mudslides out of the swingset? 

Deep breath, Laura. Life goes by fast for a reason. 

Also, my mother keeps talking about marriage and I think she's got it in her head that I'm going to meet my husband this summer. Oh boy.

Defying the filter

Dear Covenant College,
I AM AT HOME WRITING ON MY BLOG AND YOUR FILTER CANNOT STOP ME. I HOPE ALL CAPS MAKES THIS LOUD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HEAR IT. HA.

Yes, folks, because a few rotten people created a Covenant-bashing blog using blogger, the Covenant internet filter has made logging into all blogger accounts impossible on campus. More than a few of us are upset. I understand the need to shut down the bashing blog--but not all of blogger. That was an overstep. Thankfully, I feel that this won't last long.

And it's Spring Break. YAY.

After the perfect weekend at my house, my life has felt miles long. Here are a few mile markers:

I'm really excited about what God's going to do with me this summer--as long as all goes as planned, that is. There' still time for Him to shake things up. So far I've been accepted into a discipleship program for college students that is only ten minutes from my house. I'd be living and working with 50-something college students at a campground for ten weeks while doing an intensive discipleship program. It's closer to home, which I was hoping for after a summer in Africa. It also sounds like a really good opportunity, and I'm all about jumping on those in this stage of life.

House hunting has begun. I have a group of people and a dog to live with next year, but no place of residence. I'm not too worried, we should be able to find something. But what does this imply? I won't have my roommate next year. I can't begin to tell you how upset this makes me

  (but it is a lot).

Why? Because sometimes she comes up with really good ideas, like having a late night star-gazing party with a Krispy Kreme donut run afterwards. And she makes me work on puzzles far into the night when I have already given up on homework because I was too tired to do it. And she drags me outdoors to play when I have a lot to do. 

That, and I'm pretty attached to her.

Also this week: I drove straight into tornado weather without realizing how bad it was, and at ten miles per hour I still thought I was going to die. Don't worry, I'm still here.

Part of my regular afternoon babysitting job teaching my two girls how to be awesome. This week I Chuck-Norrised a black widow and a dead mouse. Then one of them roundhouse-kicked the microwave shut. I was so proud.

Twenty minutes on a bicycle seat = two days of pain.

Tuesday was free pancake day. Unfortunately it was also the day that one of my eustachian tubes decided to burn with the fire of a thousand suns. Thank the Lord for a medical father who can call in fix-it-up medication at any time. When my future children get an ear infection and scream like banshees, I will absolutely sympathize. 

I have some bits of fiberglass stuck in my fingers.

 I just had four exams in three days. 

A cream soda bottle broke in the sink before I left today. That was fan-tastic.

Now I am home. My almost-fifteen-year-old sister has grown an inch in the last two months, putting her at almost six feet. We made sweet potato fries with mom (surprisingly easy, though slicing raw yams requires the muscles of a lumberjack). 

My mom used to be a cheerleader, so whenever someone is playing the piano she likes to dance around the living room. 

And as usual, my brother still thinks he knows everything.

In four days, I will visit the GI doctor to check out what's going on with "the belly beast" (as I affectionately call it) that is still hanging around, breathing fire from time to time. I've decided to call the doctor "St. George" after the man who kills a dragon in that famous fairytale St. George and the Dragon. Except that this story will be called St. George and the Belly Beast. 

May our saint be victorious. 

February Chacos

I've been spending the last few days dreading the cold spell that I know will return soon. This week has been pretty--too pretty--so we surely deserve a blizzard or something in return for all this blessed sunshine. The Weather Channel says that it's going to be in the 50's and 60's all next week, but I am convinced that it is LYING because that is too good to be true. 

My feet are so happy they could cry.

Two orders of business: first, Andreas Open. 

Hours spent brainstorming for the right theme: countless. 

Theme: Love is a Battlefield.  

Days spent decorating: four. (3 1/2 days longer than most of the other halls)

Place we won: NONE?!?! 

Judging: rigged. Definitely rigged. 

The fury of The Fritz will not be satisfied until there is retaliation (but we calmed down a little bit by a half-price chocolate run after our sore loss).

And that's not even the half of it.

Second order of business: this weekend. FANTASTIC. I took Kait and Alyssa home for a good ol' time in Tennessee. Friday night was spent in-house enjoying brownies and Lloyd Dobbler in Say Anything. And pokemon cards...... *giggle*

On Saturday, we went to the Tin Roof, where Alyssa enjoyed a sandwich and a coke that made her want to melt into the ground. 

From there we took a quick jaunt over to the Apple Barn, which is elderly-crafty-woman-heaven. Then we thought about taking the trolley up to Gatlinburg. 

Unfortunately, the trolley took far too long to show up, and after we drove to Gatlinburg ourselves, we found that it was far too overpopulated. So we took a trip to the real attraction of East Tennessee: The Great Smoky Mountains National Park. 

It's a good thing we took chacos.

Mountains?!? For real??

Fantastic.

Epic Kait. 

It was a truly extraordinary, if not a little bit chilly, time. That night, we had oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and watched Sixteen Candles. Oh, the eighties and all their glory. 

Today we decided to go to Sonic on our way out to try the new red velvet cake sonic blast. Sounds delicious, right? Wrong. It looked like vanilla ice cream and blood. Never again. 

........Amazing. It's night time, the window is  open, and the air feels perfect. It's February, folks. This is too good to be true. 

Merfairy

The Little Mermaid is, and always will be, my favorite movie. Oh yes, I know. She's spoiled, she didn't do what her dad told her to, she was too young to get married...bla bla bla. But this was the first Disney princess movie I ever saw, and a little part of me would love to live in a pretty underwater palace but never get pruny. And maybe marry Prince Eric, even if he does have a tendency to be duped by sea witches. On  the other hand, watching Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow made me want to grow wings and live in a flower. I suppose I'll just have to be both and grow a fin and wings like this little girl, except for real:

She looks delighted.

This week has been full of ups and downs. The ups have included making Valentines, coloring pictures, baking, watching children's movies, playing Band Hero, and visiting Carter Tower. The downs? Dealing with death in the lives of others. A year ago this week, one of my friends lost her little sister in a car accident. This Thursday, one of my hallmates lost her older sister to cancer. I can't imagine losing my sister, regardless of how much she chatters and gets in my space. She is precious and I adore her. I mourn for these girls and the holes in their lives that will heal a bit, but never be full this side of heaven. 

I love my sister, even if she is a tad creepy.

This weekend I visited my cousin at Georgia Tech. Going down there is much like visiting a foreign country because even though everyone speaks English, they are all rushing, traffic is crazy, and there are next to no Walmarts. Whenever I go down there, I feel much like I'm in the story "The Country Mouse and the City Mouse", being the girl who was raised in the mountains and who could never properly function in a city. Anyway, we spent a lot of time flitting from shop to restaurant to shop in the blur that is Atlanta. We also found this obscure little park where they had the kind of house I always wanted as a child:

with little apples in the window:

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and this year I am actually looking forward to it. This February 14th, my valentine is going to be a sweet four-year-old who reminds me of Ariel herself. And after that --> midnight half-price chocolate run! Single lady Valentine's Day is really not a bad thing. 

Here are a few photos from Carter Tower (atop the main building of Covenant), which is a lot creepier than I imagined it would be:

(sketchy stairs)

What a lovely school I attend!

Stuff

• My roommate got the flu. I lysoled everything. Now she is almost cured. I am a magic doctor. 

• Scenario: It's raining. It is two minutes past one o' clock. Campus is deserted. You are late for class. And you need to pee more than anything else in the world. What to do?

• Don't read the Hunger Games before you go to bed, especially if you are sleeping in another room alone because your roommate is in your room with the flu. 

• Last week was scholarship weekend. We drew obnoxious tattoos on ourselves with permanent markers to scare the previewers.

• Also, Baba Larve showed up and gave some of her wisdom to a previewer. The previewer was...thankful [scared].

• (It's been proven that scaring previewers a little bit makes them want to come back because they think we are fun. And we are.)

• Getting dressed to Spanish music is a good idea. 

• Atlanta is too crowded and hard to drive through. 

• I thank the Lord for cute boys who "accidentally" throw footballs at you at the park. 

• It's fun to sing in Swahili onstage. 

• I wish I could fly. 

• The first paper of the semester is always the hardest to write, because for the first few hours of working on it, you realize that you've forgotten how to do it. 

• I am scared to death of becoming a teacher because my classes this semester say teachers need to work 405984058 hours of the day [that's not completely true, and isn't possible, but it's close].

• Scenario: you are playing hide-and-go-seek with some children you babysit. One is hiding in the corner. You spot her, and she says, "Pause! I have to go to the bathroom!"....You reach for her hand...."I can't get up!".......You think Oh no....she screams, "I'm peeing! I'm peeing!"

• Last night, I said Time is going by too fast, Lord. He replied, Savor it, but let it go.

This kind of thing happens all the time.

Off to the park....in January

Precious girls from my high school small group....

....visiting the beautiful woman who used to mentor us (AND SHE'S GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!).

Mature

Word of the day: mature.

At this age, I’m beginning to hear that word a lot. What does it mean to be mature? To act your age? To be an adult? It seems to be pretty ambiguous. Does it mean keeping your emotions to yourself? Learning to accept what you cannot control? Living on your own?

Not exactly?

The dictionary definition of “mature” has to do with coming to a desired, concluding state. For the Christian, it’s unattainable here because we will never be “finished” this side of heaven. So what’s a girl to do to become mature, when the definition is so ambiguous and the result unattainable? What exactly is mature?

Over the last two years, I have seen a change in myself that some would consider becoming more mature. In 2009, I went through a breakup that dragged itself out for several months before skidding to a calm place where I could really start healing. Since the beginning, I’ve gone through several different stages. From curse words, to seemingly endless tears, to the end of the world (oh, woe is me!), to anger and hatred, to slowly letting go of dreams that had already been taken from me, to realizing that this was the way things would be, to finding a new identity, to finally figuring out how to forgive—a process that took a really long time compared to some and a short time compared to others. Though I reached out for support from friends (some of whom I leaned on and wailed at too much—I’m sorry!), it was a wound that could only be fixed by God’s love and a series of decisions that I made on my own. I had to get sick of myself in order to rise from my mud puddle of self-pity.

Yesterday, I found out that he was engaged. I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling—I went from what???, to THE INJUSTICE!, to moping for poor little single me. Then to something else—something beautiful.

Laura, I have a plan for you. I love you. I know what’s best for you, and this is it. Why don’t you trust me? 

And something else.

I love him and have a plan for him, too. And this is it. Accept it.

That stopped me in my tracks. Who am I to question my circumstances? Laura of a year ago would have focused on how unfair the situation was, I was the one left behind, I wait and pray for my future husband, in my own eyes I had done everything right while he did everything WRONG.

My answer to hurt was ACCUSE, CONDEMN, WAIT FOR HIS DEMISE. ß not grace.

Now I see why everything happened as it did, and I praise God for it. I praise him for this period of my life, even as I have dreams of the future. I praise him for breaking my heart as he did, because in reality, it wasn’t the boy’s fault—it was God’s. In all honesty, I do want good things for that boy now.

A dozen friends of mine have gotten engaged or married over the last year. At least six have gotten divorced. My God knows that I’m not ready for that world, but that I desire it someday (marriage—not divorce. I hope that was obvious.)

It’s strange to see my old dreams playing out exactly as I planned them—with someone else. But that’s how God intended it, and I trust him. Even if this is some kind of a joke, or if it doesn't last, this situation will still have made me think. 

Part of maturity is letting go of the past, which has been a struggle for the girl who’s never wanted to grow up and wants to hold onto dreams as tightly as she can. Another part of maturity is trusting God’s timing. Little 20-year-old me doesn’t know what’s in store, but I know that He has written every last detail of my life and has given it a purpose. I’ve always been loved by a Savior who knows EXACTLY what he’s doing.

Which means He knows what’s best for me, even if I'm not mature enough to see it at first.

Don't Creep on Me, I'm Celibate.

Did you know....that blogger gives you a way to track who is looking at your blog?

Eh, me neither. Then I found it. You know who's been reading my blog??? Me neither. But some of them live in Finland and Malaysia and Russia, and some of them found me under the google search "ski pants", or a google image of my bed tent, or through a Russian gaming site. First thought, "Wow, I'm popular." Second thought, "CREEPY???" ...Now I've set it so I can't be googled anymore. I hope.

But here I still am, throwing myself out to the internet.

I also have a confession to make. Most women who adore celebrities have romantic fantasies about them--walking on the beach, going on a picnic, doing...other...things. I have different fantasies. When I was in love with Jesse McCartney, I wanted to begin a correspondence with him in which I explained why I loved his uplifting messages to women with beautiful souls. When I loved Daniel Ratcliffe, I was going to persuade him to become a Christian. Now I have fantasies of playing checkers with Justin Bieber and riding on his segway.

Classes began this week. First day, I was jazzed. Now there is a state of oh, classes. On the first day of Ethics class, my professor paused in the roll and said, "Laura Love...What a great name! You should never get married!" Wonderful. First day of Ethics and I'm already labeled as a future celibate.


Babysitting has kicked up again too. What does this mean for me? Weekly doses of Disney Princess, dancing, and snacktime.

Baba Larve made a reappearance last night with "The Tale of theYeti and the Cactus". The Yeti wins. She has so much wisdom.

Because it's January and summer is so close, naturally the question of "what will I do this summer?" is buzzing in my brain. So is the question of "where will I live next year?" and "when can I finally get a cat?"

Time to switch OUT of planner mode and enjoy my last semester of The Fritz. Wait? Last?!?! NOO!!!

The other day, I caught my roommate looking at herself in the webcam. Her response? "I'm playing peek-a-boo with myself!" The next day we played humpbacks. Yesterday she became the Thigh Master, and I am the Thigh Apprentice. There is no END to entertainment in this room!

Musical Artist of this Week: Taylor Swift (not Justin Bieber. Shocking?)