I feel like each one of my days has two parts. I've got the productive part and the lazy part.

Word of the day: batter

Lots of brownie batter makes you real sick.

I never wanna give up shorts. I really just wanna wear them ALL the time. This Fall stuff isn't working with that too well. Today was absolutely gorgeous--just sayin. And I figured it was one of my last few days to wear shorts before the nasty covenant-forever-cold weather set in. Sooo...I looked like a camp couselor and had prickly legs for the day. It was peachy.

I started on my MTW internship application today. They had a confidential questions sheet, and some of it I really just wanted to write ridiculous stuff in. "Are you satisfied with your spouse?" "YES! He doesn't complain at all! It's great!"

I like doing homework outside. A lot.

Sarah--Sbeags/Speegs--came over for the afternoon and we watched movies and acted like little girls. I cut out three of the twelve disney princess pictures that I want to put on my wall. And we made a whole batch of brownie batter and tried to eat it. AAH! Fail. Now I feel sick. Still so good. I ate the equivalent of, like, five brownies. And Sarah tried to use it as lip gloss. She was really, really attractive.

Just sayin.

Greasy sightings today: 0. Greasy occurrences today: at least 3. Boooooooooooo....

My roommate has been in the room almost all day. A little while ago, she came into the commons with a piece of art she had drawn. It was the view from the window. She then shoved it up to my nose and told me to sniff it. She had drawn it in scented marker.

*facepalm*

I didn't accomplish very many productive things today. That's ok.

Song of the day: A Thousand Miles.

Word of the day: crisp
2nd word of the day: fatty/donut

Wayyy too much has happened in the last 24 hours, excluding the, like, 7 hours I slept.

Sprinklers are scary when you aren't expecting them.

I really, really like my old math buddies. We had our first weekly Tuesday lunch and had pleasant conversation about celebrity crushes and the like. I had a kiddie pizza for lunch :)

On the way to TIPS, I saw a family with two little girls and a baby. One of the little girls broke free and skipped over the a big rock. She stood on it for about two seconds before scampering back to her mom. And I thought, "What is it with little kids and rocks?"

Class quote of the day, "Shut up and get in my mouth!"

Today was very dry. I put on lots of lotion and chapstick and it didn't help.

Number of Greasy sightings today: 1. And it made me waaaay more upset than it should have. But I've had more encounters lately than I should.

Lisa gave me tea, and I ate at least five of her cookies. She prepared for our veranda dance party too, and my roommate is pretty much a genius.

I dressed in a black dress, hat, and boa for our hall picture today. I set the trend so everybody else had to wear a dress and a scarf too! 'Cept Kait and Amy, cuz apparently they're rebels.

I really like dressing up.

We had a very long veranda dance party with Caledon. It was thrilling, though slightly chilly. I screamed a lot. My voice won't be around tomorrow, and that's ok.

Then, we had a stargazing party, and the Fritzers all laid on the ground together side-by-side. We listened to chill music, and I liked it a lot. Interpretive dance to Fireflies is the best.

Then, Alyssa, Lisa, and I went to Krispy Kreme. It's like one in the morning when we do this. And we literally went and got donuts out of the dumpster, but not for us to eat. So we ordered a whole dozen donuts and ate the whole dang thing. That's four donuts per. AAAAAHH. And we did a lot of stuff. Lisa tried to be a bad-a...tried....I really like Krispy Kreme hats.

New term that we made up: Ho-tard.

And I was dressed in a hoodie, dress, and hat. I looked like a old lady and it was so good.

We got back, and shoved a donut down half-asleep Laura Main's throat, while saying, "DOOONUT TIIIIME!!!" in a really deep voice. Yes, it was one of the rock-hard ones from the dumpster.

I'm so flippin tired, and all my thoughts are ridiculously scattered, which is why this blog isn't all the funny.

3:19 a.m.

Song of the day: Fireflies

Word of the day: good hair. Ok, so it's two words. But those two words can make or break your day.

My room has become the hall hangout spot. I feel like there are lots of people in here, a lot. More than just my roommate, who's pretty much the most entertaining person ever. I'm never going to go to bed :p

My day started out with Ingrid Michaelson, an encouraging text message from Diana about how she gave someone a $200 parking ticket, and breakfast with my roommie. I had a good day. And good hair.

My kindergartners gave me a cookie today, and one of them told me about her new puppy while I tried to go over consonants with her. There's a little boy in there who constantly asks me for help, and I'm pretty sure it's just because he thinks I'm pretty :) This practical service way beats cleaning locker rooms.

I took a quiz outside for the first time today. It was for acting. After the oral portion of it, Prof Hallstrom told me I had lips that could last a day.

Um.

And an acorn almost hit me in the head while I sat outside taking my quiz.

I really, really like studying with Christina and Amy. We studied for CHOW right before the test, and Christina was talking about how Aristotle walked out of the bathtub covered in soap. She was using this to explain catharsis. Lovely. Oh Aristotle.

Greasy sightings today: 3. I'm really getting tired of the ignore game. I feel like I'm in middle school.

I think I did well on my test regardless.

I found out that I like to eat far more than I should. Sarah Beagan and I are going to eat brownie batter at her apartment one day, and I'm looking forward to it waaay too much. Taught to me by Lisa: place palms on cheeks and press cheeks inward towards nose. Then yell, "I WANT CAKE!"

...or, "SCOTT MCKEON!!!"

So good.

I spent a long time talking on the phone on the veranda tonight, and there are way more mosquitos out there than I am comfortable with. Hopefully, they were all just on the walls and not on me.

I was expecting a really stressful day today: two quizzes, a paper, and a test. But I had a really good day.

And it felt like atutumn today, but in a good way :)

Song of the day: Be ok

[Kait just wanted to get mentioned. She is violently against disney princesses and won't leave the room. I threated to scoot past her on a scooter and paint her rainbow colors becuase she refuses to wear bright colors.]

Word of the day: ridiculous.

Number one thought this morning at church: "Jesus, why is HE here???"
Answer: "I'm here too."

Therefore, I tried to think about God more, because that's the reason I was there in the first place. It was hard, but I did it. I was shaking, but I did it.

Afterwards, we both pretended like the other didn't exist, though we both saw each other there.

Awkward.

It was a difficult morning, to say the least. And I was wearing his necklace and shoes. Good thing I forgot his dress at home, or it could have been real noticeable.

Before I went home, mom helped me investigate the ant problem in my car. She said "They don't come without a reason." So, we went to the root of the problem. There were hershey kisses hiding under my passenger seat. Cherry filled ones. I don't even like that kind! The ants must have carried them in, because I certainly didn't. But we took them out--and there were like, seven, and the ants started leaving. So much for a non-elephant graveyard in my car. But I still felt like they were crawling across my foot as I drove.

The Yellow Deli was closed. Somebody said it was for Yom Kippur, but I have no idea. I was just angry that I didn't get to study there. Therefore, I studied with Alyssa and Molly in a conference room. Kip came in a lil bit and entertained us with witty conversation. I read at least 150 pages in the CHOW book.

Homework of the day: Oedipus the king. All I gotta say about this is---YUCK!!! When he stabbed pins into his eyes, I literally jerked and went "Aaaaahhh!"

I used to have horrible fantasies that pizza cutters were going to fly at my face and slice my eyes. I would lay on the couch and cover my eyes, praying the cutters wouldn't get me.

Song of the day: Whatcha Say
Second song of the day: Obssessed, simply because the radio was obssessed with it today.

Word of the day: contemplative.
2nd word of the day: melancholy.

But maybe it's just the weather.

There's something about being at home that makes me think more. Maybe that's because I forgot my most important piece of homework at school and stayed at home doing four loads of laundry all day.

I lied. I took Daniel and Audrey to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs this afternoon, but I didn't leave the house other than that. After that movie, I kind of never want to eat chicken again, and I really want to live in a jello palace. I also had a semi-awkward moment. I realized that the people sitting in front of me were people I used to babysit for, and I had forgotten their names. I just prayed that they didn't turn around and start talking to me, becuase I would've just been like, "Heeeeeeyyyyy.....you!"

But the rest of the day I had time to think. I had time to think last night too. Dangerous stuff, thinking.

I talked to my counselor this week, who told me that anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath anger is pain or sadness, etc. The best way to deal with anger is to deal with the pain underneath. And it's ok to cry.

These past few months, I've covered up a lot of pain with anger. It's easier to be angry than sad. It's easier to focus on revenge than loss. I realize that this isn't Christian, but I've been so sick of the aching pain. But, after talking to her, I decided that the best way to get past this is to quit pretending that I'm over it. See, when I'm angry it diverts my attention from the hole that I feel. Because, yes, I do feel a hole. I lost my best friend, that guy who promised me the world. Even though he hasn't held me in five months, I still remember how it felt when he did. I do miss that. In my head, it's easier to pretend that he died than to think that everything he ever told me was a lie.

I looked through some more pictures last night from the summer after my senior year. They look so different from the shell of a person who gives me a shot of adrenaline whenever I see him walking around campus now. What makes someone's eyes sparkle? I can't really figure it out. But his don't anymore, at least not as far as I can see. I compare pictures from then and now, and the sparkle is gone.

Yes, he hurt me. Yes, he continues to hurt me, on purpose. But I can't hate him. I've wanted to, just so I wouldn't miss him so much or feel the connection that I do because I know I still care about him. But I don't hate him. He still carries around a big chunk of my heart around with him, which is why I shake whenever I see him. I don't know what it will take to get it back.

This house holds so many memories for me. Many are old--I mean, I've been here since I was seven. But there are other memories too. Driving up and seeing his blazer parked in the culdesac. Him holding me in the driveway. Watching him sleep on the couch. Him picking me up and twirling me around when he was excited to see me. Last night, I walked up the steps to the front door and burst into tears because I could almost see him there.

It's not like I can just forget. All of that really happened, and I really and truly loved him. Finally, after four months, the shock has worn off. This is the way things are now. Sure, so many things are better now and I know that God has greater things in store for me. But there's still a gap. There's still the memories of the guy who used to be so dedicated to me. And there's still that mystery: what happened??? How did that turn into this? I am left with these questions and a selfish jerk who won't give me any answers--or not any real ones, at least.

Accpetance. That's what I have to learn. To accept things the way they are and continue. Yes, that is STILL going to take time. I'm trying my hardest to move on with my life even though so many of those memories are still so clear in my mind. But, maybe once I come to terms with the fact I do still hurt and let the hurt flow as much as it needs to, I'll start really healing. I don't want to end up bitter and angry.

So, if you see me crying, just hold me and let me do it. It's necessary, and it's good for me. But I do love being held :)

Song of the day: How He Loves
Second song of the day: Never Had a Dream Come True

Word of the day: hectic
Second word of the day: Bad-A

This morning, one of the kindergartners in practical service asked me what all the dots on my face were. I told her they were freckles. She said she thought they were chicken pox. I then realized that she was talking about zits. Fail. My life is stressful.

The walk from practical service to chapel is far too long.

Number of Greasy sightings today : O. Hooray!

In acting class, I pretended to be an angry girl from the hood fighting a tramp who stole my boyfriend. Everyone laughed a lot, but we never really got the point across for our improv scene. After it was over, I thought, "Hmm, how ironic..."

Most addictive tongue twister ever: Eleven benevolent elephants. It gets stuck in your head like no other, and it kind of makes me want to skip.

This afternoon, I discovered ants in my car, and now I'm pretty sure there are some in the laundry I stuck in my back seat. One of them crawled on my foot while I was driving. I was like, "Seriously???" In a few days, my car will be an ant graveyard. It's like the elephant graveyard in the Lion King, but not with elephants.

Morgan's Bad-A B-Day was a sucess. At the moment, i am dressed in jeans, black tank top, and studded belt, with red hair spray on the tips of my hair and a permanent marker tatoo down the side of my arm. I'm harcore. Pictures will soon be posted on facebook.

A few highlights of the evening: Sneaking around Walmart with an empty water gun, "smoking" bubbles, drawing in the parking lot with sidewalk chalk, ordering from a Sonic drive-in spot while sitting on the ground like we were in a minivan, talking to the lady from Florida who had never seen anything like that, making a human pyramid, and Jordan diving into the Kroger ice machine. Not to mention kidnapping Morgan at the beginning and getting to act like a thug. Or was it acting? Like I said, I'm hardcore :)

Song of the day: Down (Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne). Actually, I lied. It's not the song of the day, but it's the song that's stuck in my head right now.

Here I am, sitting in the commons with the Fritz girls, watching Gilmore Girls and discussing Jess and Scott Mckeon. Jess: Gilmore Girls boy. Scott Mckeon: Fritz celebrity crush. Actually, mostly my celebrity crush. But they all love him, and don't need to deny it.

Homework of the day: The Illy-YAD. I literally laughed out loud while reading this.

"He led out the horse, then placed it in the handsof Menelaus, whose heart melted like the dewon ripening ears of corn, when fields are bristlingwith the crop—that's how, Menelaus, your heart softened in your chest."

That's how my heart softens too.

"The winning prize was a huge tripod to place above a fire,whose value among themselves Achaeans setat twelve oxen. Into the middle of the crow he then brought out the loser's prize, a woman skilled in every kind of work, worth four oxen."

As professor Macallister put it, "That must have been some pot! I wanna see this thing..."

This just makes me really glad I didn't live in a Greek epic. As I am not skilled in every kind of work, I'm proabably worth, like, one ox. An ox baby. An ox baby tooth.

Lesson of the day: only make a Wal-mart run if you have an unlimited amount of time. I had to make a Wal-mart run for Morgan's party tomorrow. It involved bubbles, colored hair spray, and smartees.

[Insert: At the moment, my roommate has a bowl on her head.]

However, I barely made it back in time to be "Granny Fritz" for our Fritz hall family dinner. I had on a polka-dotted dress, a blue bathrobe, earthshoe sandals, pearls, a hair clip, baby powder, snazzy sunglasses, lipstick, and an attitude. Lisa's umbrella made a very nice cane. Molly was my pregnant child (she was giving birth to the Fritz fetus), Britney was her husband, and everyone else was their children. Lisa, Alyssa, and Kate: emo-teen devil-children. Michelle and Lauren: the little fritzees. Amy: the adopted child. Laura: cousin Cheryl. I made one hot granny. I would describe myself as cantankerous. At the moment, everyone is giggling hardcore ar Molly's pictures. They'll be on facebook one day, I promise. Quote: "Molly, you're kind of terrifying in that picture." "I did not want to remember that at all." "Laura, how are you so creepy??"

[Insert: Lisa took the bowl off her head.]

[Fail. Now it's back.]

I still have baby powder in my hair.

Song of the day: Here Comes the Sun. Doo doo doo doo.

THIS
is the story of my life, beginning with my sophomore year of college.
IT WILL BE
entertaining.
I decided: new chapter in my life, new blog. super.
This is the story of my life as a newly-single college woman.
It will involve lots of chocolate, crazy girls, dance parties, and homework.
And maybe some other stuff.
Once in a while, I'll get deep.
And it'll be good.