Swagger.

Teaching at an urban school: something I never imagined would happen to me. BUT HERE WE ARE. 

Two months ago I tearfully left my rural fourth graders to start in an urban kindergarten classroom. And I was not prepared. 

Things my world is currently full of: 

• lots of extra syllables 
• hair grease stains smeared across my belly
• "I'M TELLIN'!"
• wanting to throw the ball at the student who won't stop talking during morning circle
• chewed-off hair beads on the floor 
• three fingers held up for can I go to the bathroom?
• learning a Beyonce dance and Wang Wit It for the T-CAP (state testing) pep rally
• "CRISS-CROSS APPLESAUCE, BUBBLE IN YOUR MOUTH, EYES ON ME."
• children tripping over themselves and falling on the floor. All the time
• a rap song for counting to 100
• boys saying they love me one minute and defying me the next.

Swag.

This is what I'm having to develop. Some mornings, I literally have to swing my hips back and forth and tell myself that I am cool. Why? Because if I'm not feelin' it, the kids know. And when the kids know, I'm done for.

Buuuut....sometimes it is fun to feel like I'm on a children's tv show all day long. And sometimes it's fun to get sassy. And sometimes it's fun to be called Miss Looooooove. And sometimes it's fun to accidentally catch myself using their vernacular outside of school. For example: 

"Dinner's ready!" 

"Oooo, dat's nice!" 

"Look at that!" 

"Oooo dat's nasty!"

(I do things like this at least once a day)

In a week and a half I'll be leaving them, and I'll admit, it's going to be a little sad. I'll visit my fourth grade classroom one more time, which will be even sadder. And then I'll graduate. 

Shoot, grrl!

Sometimes I ask for dumb things.

I will begin this blog post with one line that may be used in the future as an I-told-you-so: 

Other than being a doctor and having to touch blood, I have chosen one of the most difficult vocations anyone could ever ever ever choose. 

And I MEAN IT.
Student teaching is HARD.

Both ends of my emotional spectrum have been pushed out to the max by a group of fifty-something fourth graders in a span of only six weeks. I laugh, I cry, I squeal with joy, and I imagine beating a small animal over the head with a dictionary all at once! {That may be a bit overdramatic, but you catch my drift.} YIKES.

My school is a wonderfully tight-knit community, small and familial. However, as a rural school, it is bursting through the seams with children from broken, broken homes, which hits this big-hearted girl like a ton of bricks. In Uganda I taught classrooms full of AIDS orphans. You would think, after  that, I'd have a tougher heart. But after listening to story after story after story of parents who don't want their children, parents who are in jail, parents who care more for drugs than their own flesh and blood, I can't help but want to take all these children up in my arms and say, "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND FIX YOU AND BE A PARENT WHO WANTS YOU!!!!" These are the kids who act out in class to get the attention they miss at home, who don't try because they don't believe they can, and who keep their emotions inside for fear of getting hurt. These are the children God has attached to my heartstrings like ten-pound weights at the end of a balloon.

These kids come through my room in three groups throughout the day. Because of them, I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing the Revolutionary War in order to teach them as best I can. And they've caught the same fascination for it that I have, which is AWESOME. There is NOTHING better than seeing a kid get excited about learning. Unfortunately, in order to teach it well, I've spent more time on it than I would have in a normal classroom. I realize that, in real life, I won't be able to get this in-depth and meaningful with the Social Studies if I expect to keep up with the standards. UGGGGHHHH. I've decided to build a treehouse school where kids can come have fun and learning will be meaningful and AWESOME instead of all this testing-and-products junk. 

All this along with a gut dysfunction that's related to stress. Mmm mmm mmm. 

I can't say I didn't ask for a hard experience--I did. And I'm learning loads more than I would in an easier placement. I tear up at the thought of leaving these kids next week for a new placement because I'm just  getting to know them. 

But that's life. And Jesus loves me. The end. 

Lazy.

My last college Christmas break. My last taste of four weeks of freedom between semesters until I hit retirement. How tragic.

How was break? Well, I didn't accomplish a whole lot for several reasons:

1) I was lazy.
2) Vinny is stupid.
3) I hate taking off pajamas.
4) I was lazy.

I did make this thing:

And I did do this:

And there was an entire week of travel right in the middle. I spent some time with the redneck side of the family, my once-upon-a-roommate, and sweet dfocus friends...all in different places. I also got to see my old RA get married, which is wedding #3 since October. WOO.

Now, onto two things I hate: NEEDLES and HOSPITALS.


Yup, I encountered both thanks to my little dragon friend. I had my blood drawn for the first time (Yee-haw) and had my first endoscopy. I'm a bundle of nerves when it comes to hospitals, so this was the perfect opportunity to practice my "BA Teacher Face", also known as the "Don't Let Them Know You Want to Pee Your Pants Face" (it'll come in handy when I have to be a tough teacher!).  But Jesus held my hand the whole time (as I'd asked Him to) and I made it through without a hassle. HOWEVER, they clipped this thing on my esophagus (I named it "Peanut the bucking Bronco" to make it more bearable) that will read my reflux for the next few days before it falls off. They said I wouldn't even feel it. Welp, that was a lie. It feels like a horse kicks me in the chest every time I swallow. I was a....little....upset about it yesterday, but now I consider it another opportunity to practice that special teacher face.

Tomorrow is marks my return to school and Saturday is when I will face my Certification Test. Yikes. And next week is the start of student teaching.

Let the games begin!