Swagger.

Teaching at an urban school: something I never imagined would happen to me. BUT HERE WE ARE. 

Two months ago I tearfully left my rural fourth graders to start in an urban kindergarten classroom. And I was not prepared. 

Things my world is currently full of: 

• lots of extra syllables 
• hair grease stains smeared across my belly
• "I'M TELLIN'!"
• wanting to throw the ball at the student who won't stop talking during morning circle
• chewed-off hair beads on the floor 
• three fingers held up for can I go to the bathroom?
• learning a Beyonce dance and Wang Wit It for the T-CAP (state testing) pep rally
• "CRISS-CROSS APPLESAUCE, BUBBLE IN YOUR MOUTH, EYES ON ME."
• children tripping over themselves and falling on the floor. All the time
• a rap song for counting to 100
• boys saying they love me one minute and defying me the next.

Swag.

This is what I'm having to develop. Some mornings, I literally have to swing my hips back and forth and tell myself that I am cool. Why? Because if I'm not feelin' it, the kids know. And when the kids know, I'm done for.

Buuuut....sometimes it is fun to feel like I'm on a children's tv show all day long. And sometimes it's fun to get sassy. And sometimes it's fun to be called Miss Looooooove. And sometimes it's fun to accidentally catch myself using their vernacular outside of school. For example: 

"Dinner's ready!" 

"Oooo, dat's nice!" 

"Look at that!" 

"Oooo dat's nasty!"

(I do things like this at least once a day)

In a week and a half I'll be leaving them, and I'll admit, it's going to be a little sad. I'll visit my fourth grade classroom one more time, which will be even sadder. And then I'll graduate. 

Shoot, grrl!

Sometimes I ask for dumb things.

I will begin this blog post with one line that may be used in the future as an I-told-you-so: 

Other than being a doctor and having to touch blood, I have chosen one of the most difficult vocations anyone could ever ever ever choose. 

And I MEAN IT.
Student teaching is HARD.

Both ends of my emotional spectrum have been pushed out to the max by a group of fifty-something fourth graders in a span of only six weeks. I laugh, I cry, I squeal with joy, and I imagine beating a small animal over the head with a dictionary all at once! {That may be a bit overdramatic, but you catch my drift.} YIKES.

My school is a wonderfully tight-knit community, small and familial. However, as a rural school, it is bursting through the seams with children from broken, broken homes, which hits this big-hearted girl like a ton of bricks. In Uganda I taught classrooms full of AIDS orphans. You would think, after  that, I'd have a tougher heart. But after listening to story after story after story of parents who don't want their children, parents who are in jail, parents who care more for drugs than their own flesh and blood, I can't help but want to take all these children up in my arms and say, "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND FIX YOU AND BE A PARENT WHO WANTS YOU!!!!" These are the kids who act out in class to get the attention they miss at home, who don't try because they don't believe they can, and who keep their emotions inside for fear of getting hurt. These are the children God has attached to my heartstrings like ten-pound weights at the end of a balloon.

These kids come through my room in three groups throughout the day. Because of them, I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing the Revolutionary War in order to teach them as best I can. And they've caught the same fascination for it that I have, which is AWESOME. There is NOTHING better than seeing a kid get excited about learning. Unfortunately, in order to teach it well, I've spent more time on it than I would have in a normal classroom. I realize that, in real life, I won't be able to get this in-depth and meaningful with the Social Studies if I expect to keep up with the standards. UGGGGHHHH. I've decided to build a treehouse school where kids can come have fun and learning will be meaningful and AWESOME instead of all this testing-and-products junk. 

All this along with a gut dysfunction that's related to stress. Mmm mmm mmm. 

I can't say I didn't ask for a hard experience--I did. And I'm learning loads more than I would in an easier placement. I tear up at the thought of leaving these kids next week for a new placement because I'm just  getting to know them. 

But that's life. And Jesus loves me. The end. 

Lazy.

My last college Christmas break. My last taste of four weeks of freedom between semesters until I hit retirement. How tragic.

How was break? Well, I didn't accomplish a whole lot for several reasons:

1) I was lazy.
2) Vinny is stupid.
3) I hate taking off pajamas.
4) I was lazy.

I did make this thing:

And I did do this:

And there was an entire week of travel right in the middle. I spent some time with the redneck side of the family, my once-upon-a-roommate, and sweet dfocus friends...all in different places. I also got to see my old RA get married, which is wedding #3 since October. WOO.

Now, onto two things I hate: NEEDLES and HOSPITALS.


Yup, I encountered both thanks to my little dragon friend. I had my blood drawn for the first time (Yee-haw) and had my first endoscopy. I'm a bundle of nerves when it comes to hospitals, so this was the perfect opportunity to practice my "BA Teacher Face", also known as the "Don't Let Them Know You Want to Pee Your Pants Face" (it'll come in handy when I have to be a tough teacher!).  But Jesus held my hand the whole time (as I'd asked Him to) and I made it through without a hassle. HOWEVER, they clipped this thing on my esophagus (I named it "Peanut the bucking Bronco" to make it more bearable) that will read my reflux for the next few days before it falls off. They said I wouldn't even feel it. Welp, that was a lie. It feels like a horse kicks me in the chest every time I swallow. I was a....little....upset about it yesterday, but now I consider it another opportunity to practice that special teacher face.

Tomorrow is marks my return to school and Saturday is when I will face my Certification Test. Yikes. And next week is the start of student teaching.

Let the games begin!

From Fall Block to the Future.

FALL BLOCK IS OVER.

CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION? I THINK YES.

Of course, it's been over for a week now. The celebration was actually six days ago, when we had Christmas at The Hollow. My housemates gifted me with LOT of Justin Bieber. 

I didn't come home til Tuesday because I wanted to take advantage of taunting my non-senior-education majors who still had to take finals. That, and I knew I still had some presents coming my way....

YES.

It's nice to finally be home where I can STOP. My body has GLADLY taken the 9-10 hours of sleep I'm giving it every night. It's also nice to spend quality time with the people here. I got to spend Wednesday nursing my friend of 14 years who has only been married for a week and a half and was diagnosed with a life-threatening clot disorder two days ago. Yeah, that's scary.

Yesterday was spent looking at the future because I had time to do it. I talked with a woman from the program in China that I'm interested in and they are ready for me to fill out the application. Hm. I also sifted through mounds of international teaching opportunities from a missions conference two years ago. Hmmmm. Since I've really started this process, an enormous amount of fear has pressed in against the excitement I first felt. How homesick will I get? What will I miss out on back in the states? Can I live somewhere that different for longer than a couple months? What if Vinny HATES the place we go? Last night I argued with God about it and went to bed in a huff (even though I knew that He will end up being right no matter how much I protest). Ever since I was a child, my dream has been do whatever God told me to do (no really, you can find it in my ten-year-old journal. I was that child.) So I suppose the next few months will be an interesting molding process where He makes me pliable to whatever He does have planned. And I'll admit, I'm a little afraid of that too. 

Vinny vs. Turkey

Time for the annual Thanksgiving blog post! (Get our your hand turkeys!)

Things I am thankful for:

• My Savior who is always near, even when I refuse to acknowledge Him like a selfish teenager.
• My family who grows increasingly more precious to me as time passes and I see them less often. 
• The FABULOUS house and housemates God has blessed me with this year. 
• Good friendships that grow and change, but stay with me. 
• Maddie. 
• Laughter.
• Children that bring me joy.
• Lisa Frank stickers (which one of my housemates used to cover the house with a few weeks ago.)

This Turkey Day has been interesting. Soon after waking, I assisted mom in preparing the huge meal while dressed in my pajamas (which previous messy experience has taught me is WISE). My mother also turned on her oldies CD and sang me a few lines of a song about how beautiful I was. Lovely. This meant, however, that when my oh-so-proper grandmother came through the door, I greeted her in my sleepwear while scootin' my booty to "Whenever I See Your Smilin' Face". But she managed to forgive this infraction and gave a bee-yoo-tiful ring as a late birthday gift. It may never leave my finger.

Of course, I changed, we consumed lots of food and coffee, told fun stories, and did all those things that funny families who love each other do. After my grandmother left, we settled in the playroom to spent the rest of the day watching movies, which is the usual Love family holiday ritual. 

Then it hit. Vinny. Mean, awful, nasty Vinny. First the heartburn...then the dizzyness...then the feeling that I couldn't breathe...then the shaking...and then I was on the floor. These are the moments when I'm grateful for a medical family. Dad found some steroids and mylanta, mom found a blood pressure cuff and googled my symptoms. Turns out, thanks to acid reflux and Vinny the vile stomach dragon, I was having esophagus spasms, which feel very similar to a heart attack. OHGREAT. This happened a couple other times the last couple months, but not nearly as badly. But it shows that I really really really need to put on my shining armor and battle this dragon--exercise, forced diet, and *GASP* giving up my daily coffee. I am currently lounging in my bed, lightheaded but ok, drinking water and chowing on Tums like candy. 

And, as I sat in my room trying to calm down, I began to think about what I would do if this happened again away from my medical parents.....maybe in a different country where I would already be culturally stressed and my poor stomach would not be ready for the food. Actually, a lot of things could happen if I went overseas....or if I stayed here......or if I continued to live as a mortal human being. Let's be honest, life is dangerous (YIKES). But as I laid on the floor freaking out, God's voice was so stinking clear---"You're my child, I love you, I know EXACTLY what is going on, we will get through this together." 

Then I stumbled across a website that advertised a teaching fellowship program in Asia. 11 months of teaching English with a team of people who love Jesus under mentor teachers who also love Jesus. Hm. Ever since I met my Chinese friends this summer, I've been interested in that country. So I sent in my information. No idea if that's going to be IT, the NEXT STEP, but the important thing is that IT--the hunt--HAS BEGUN. And I'm scared and desiring to trust my Father, but ever so THANKFUL that He's always there, even when scary-as-$#*%-things happen. 

Happy Thankgiving to all, and to all a gastroesophageal reflux disease-free night!

Family in The Hollow

The semester is almost over, and for the first time in my college career, I'm OK with that. Christmas cannot get here SOON ENOUGH. 

Yeah, it's a little sad that this is my last semester of classes. And it's a little sad that I'm almost a graduate. But I feel a bit like I've already graduated, not living on campus and all. And it's a lot sad how much homework I've had this semester. Vinny's come back with a vengeance due to stress and lack of sleep and I won't miss him when this is over.

Life in The Hollow, however, has flourished. What triggered this? We got a TABLE. (this picture was before we decorated the kitchen)

You know what a table means? Family dinner. And decorating together.

Then we started reading the Hunger Games out loud together. Which led to family bonding time.

It also led to no sleep.

And then there was that night I came back to find that they had raided my dress-up bag.

I almost peed my pants with laughter.

And you can't count out all the great times with Maddie: her acting up, ruining homework, dancing with us, slobbering on everything, covering the house with hair, and bringing us together. 

(she's spoiled rotten)

Unfortunately, this is the time when everyone begins to ask what I'm going to do with my life. My answer? Keep my hands wide open and pray for God to assure me that the "where" will come when it's supposed to. Besides, everyone know that's a dumb question to ask an almost-graduate. When do we EVER know what we're doing??

Smelly Homework

Today we turned on the heater for the first time since we've been here, and possibly its first time in a few years. It smells like POO. However, I do believe it's dissipating.....or my nose gave up on trying to smell. When I was home for Fall Break, mom said, "Your clothes smell weird." Then she made a reference to old woman smells. Fabulous. My old-lady-ness is more apparent than I thought.

Why haven't I blogged in a month? Because I have three different journals as well as another blog that I have to write for class. After those, twitter, and facebook, I am simply exhausted of reflecting on my life---ie. I can't handle looking at my own awesomeness for too long.

Also, I'm taking 18 hours of class with 8 hours of practicum a week. Then there's homework. It's kind of like having a full-time job that I have to pay for. But the beautiful thing about all this school stuff is that my calling is really being affirmed. I'm seeing that this profession is probably the worst one I could have chosen in the eyes of the world, but it overflows with opportunity to show God's love in a tangible way to my favorite kind of people--children.

However, I just finished Fall Break and I'm already looking forward to Christmas. Why? Because I can sleep more then. C'est la vie.

Here are some highlights from the last month:

Catching up with precious friends from the summer.

Snagging moments with The Fritz

Putting my housemate on a leash for the school dance. 

Making cotton candy....in my own kitchen

Climbing rocks, forging rivers, making fires, and writing on cave walls with Honeylumps--I mean, Lisa.

Carving pumpkins with summer pals. 

A soccer game I wasn't terribly interested in.

So it's not all putting my nose to the grind. Senior years are supposed be kind of fun, right?