Family in The Hollow

The semester is almost over, and for the first time in my college career, I'm OK with that. Christmas cannot get here SOON ENOUGH. 

Yeah, it's a little sad that this is my last semester of classes. And it's a little sad that I'm almost a graduate. But I feel a bit like I've already graduated, not living on campus and all. And it's a lot sad how much homework I've had this semester. Vinny's come back with a vengeance due to stress and lack of sleep and I won't miss him when this is over.

Life in The Hollow, however, has flourished. What triggered this? We got a TABLE. (this picture was before we decorated the kitchen)

You know what a table means? Family dinner. And decorating together.

Then we started reading the Hunger Games out loud together. Which led to family bonding time.

It also led to no sleep.

And then there was that night I came back to find that they had raided my dress-up bag.

I almost peed my pants with laughter.

And you can't count out all the great times with Maddie: her acting up, ruining homework, dancing with us, slobbering on everything, covering the house with hair, and bringing us together. 

(she's spoiled rotten)

Unfortunately, this is the time when everyone begins to ask what I'm going to do with my life. My answer? Keep my hands wide open and pray for God to assure me that the "where" will come when it's supposed to. Besides, everyone know that's a dumb question to ask an almost-graduate. When do we EVER know what we're doing??

Smelly Homework

Today we turned on the heater for the first time since we've been here, and possibly its first time in a few years. It smells like POO. However, I do believe it's dissipating.....or my nose gave up on trying to smell. When I was home for Fall Break, mom said, "Your clothes smell weird." Then she made a reference to old woman smells. Fabulous. My old-lady-ness is more apparent than I thought.

Why haven't I blogged in a month? Because I have three different journals as well as another blog that I have to write for class. After those, twitter, and facebook, I am simply exhausted of reflecting on my life---ie. I can't handle looking at my own awesomeness for too long.

Also, I'm taking 18 hours of class with 8 hours of practicum a week. Then there's homework. It's kind of like having a full-time job that I have to pay for. But the beautiful thing about all this school stuff is that my calling is really being affirmed. I'm seeing that this profession is probably the worst one I could have chosen in the eyes of the world, but it overflows with opportunity to show God's love in a tangible way to my favorite kind of people--children.

However, I just finished Fall Break and I'm already looking forward to Christmas. Why? Because I can sleep more then. C'est la vie.

Here are some highlights from the last month:

Catching up with precious friends from the summer.

Snagging moments with The Fritz

Putting my housemate on a leash for the school dance. 

Making cotton candy....in my own kitchen

Climbing rocks, forging rivers, making fires, and writing on cave walls with Honeylumps--I mean, Lisa.

Carving pumpkins with summer pals. 

A soccer game I wasn't terribly interested in.

So it's not all putting my nose to the grind. Senior years are supposed be kind of fun, right? 

Old Lady

Frappuccinos are more than they seem. Coffee? Ice? Something sweet? Apparently NOT. To make a frappuccino, you need a touch of Starbucks magic, something that I don't want to pay roughly $4 for every time. 

And so dies another attempt at making something awesome and edible for myself. 

I used to think it was funny when older people joked about "starving college students". Welp. Here I am, living in the world of you're-old-enough-to-feed-yourself-and-you-don't-have-a-whole-lotta-money-whatcha-gonna-do. I thought you weren't supposed to reach that point until you had kids to pay for. 

And what about a freezing college student? Laura didn't pack any winter clothes because she didn't think it would get cold until October. Guess what? I'm cold. I need sleeves. And I don't wanna shop for them.

Let's not forget the fact that I'm not really called a "college student" anymore. I am a preservice teacher. Next semester I will be a student teacher. Then my first name will permanently disappear and become "Miss". It already feels like I graduated because I live in a house with a dog, make my own food, wash my own dishes, and go to bed before eleven most of the time. 

Holy moly, I'm an adult. THAT was sudden. 

I like to go to bed early. There are three bottles of pills and a pair of earplugs on my nightstand. I can't function properly without coffee in the morning. I have to make a list when I go to Walmart. Classrooms of children call me "Miss Love". I write down everything I have to do on post-it notes and cross them off as I do them. Dressy clothes have become less uncomfortable. I enjoy watching Full House and the news. 

I just read that paragraph and gave a sad little laugh. 

WHO AM I??? 

This question has been plaguing me for the last few weeks as I've found myself going through a lot of transitions. I talked to Jesus about it and he tells me these things: 

You are mine.

You are infinitely loved.

You are like grass in the wind--fading quickly. BUT you will be permanently in my presence sooner than you think. 

You are KNOWN by ME. I am enough for you.

You are beautiful because I am beautiful, and I shine through you.

You still have the heart of a child. I know that because I made you that way.

Be confident in me.

He and I talk a lot more these days, which I suppose is a perk to living in a house where I have my own room. Soon and very soon, May will be here and another transition period will occur. In fact, most of my life will be full of transitions. Guess it's time to really get grounded into my only Rock. 

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." 

-Psalm 90:14

The House of Adventure

Some stuff about living in the ghetto house of Lookout Mountain.

Bedsheets keep out sunlight just as well as curtains will. 

Boxes of books make as good of couch legs as anything. 

A yard that looks like a jungle that's been through a forest fire is good protection against anyone ever coming to your house....this includes neighbors who could make you poisonous cookies. 

Buy salad mix, even if you won't use all of it before it goes bad. I'm about to die of scurvy or whatever you get from not eating green things. 

Dogs shed. A lot. 

Don't leave the bathroom door open if you want the dog to stay out of the nasty trash. 

Dogs leave nose prints on anything glassy.

Dogs are awesome.

I'm on the brink of digging a pit in the backyard to throw all of this trash in. 

Cheese graters double as pasta strainers. 

$30 Kmart dressers are probably not the most stable on the market. That's why God invented duct tape and tool-handy roommates. 

Who needs a kitchen table anyway?

It's amazing how many things you can make with simple sandwich ingredients. And how many things you can't.

It's a good thing smoke detectors come with a shut-up button. 

God also invented Lysol spray for houses whose windows won't open.

Less than a square foot of counter space is sufficient for preparing food. Really.

First houses challenge your skills of creativity and ingenuity, and I am determined to be victorious.

New Life in The Hollow

Hello, change. I've experienced a lot of you in the last two weeks.

On the same day that I said goodbye to my sweet dfocus community, I also said goodbye to my younger brother as I moved him into college. Mind you, UT isn't that far from home, but it's still LEAVING our house. WAH.

Last week, I spent a day with my precious Chinese girls and they cooked dinner in their hotel room for Emily Skaar and me--which means that they consider us really close friends *insert warm fuzzies here* The next day I reciprocated and had them over for dinner. We had sweet times playing board games together and laughing, regardless of cultural barriers. I saw tears glistening in Meng's eyes when we said goodbye for the last time. God blessed me so much with them. Only one of them knows Jesus now, but I'm asking him to please please please bring the others into His family as well so we can all hug each other in heaven.

A few days later, it was time to move to my NEW HOUSE (also known as "The Hollow" for now). Well, the house itself isn't quite so new--it certainly has its....quirks (why does my room smell like pee..?)....but it's a place I've never lived before. Girls have this idealistic tendency when it comes to houses to think that we will really enjoy having a place to clean, cook in, and call home. Time for a wake up call ladies, these things require upkeep! The lawn is an overgrown mess and we have no lawnmower (or machetes) with which to cut it. There is no dumpster sitting conveniently outside, waiting for us to put our trash in it. Broken furniture requires tools and lack of furniture requires money and shopping time (table? counter space? a couch? do we really need those?). Planning meals is an art skill that takes time and energy (and budgeting prowess on very little money) to perfect. And even living with a puppy, which has been my joy these last few days, means extra time sweeping, taking it out to poop, and dealing with little brown hairs stuck in everything.

I'm also trying to get used to not living in the constant community I had on The Fritz. Now I have to drive up to campus if I want to visit my friends--I can't just walk down the hallway. And not spending my last year living with Lisa is so sad to me even though I know God wanted it.

On the other hand, having a living room is really nice (even if the couch is overturned because two of the legs are missing). Having immediate access to food (even if it's scanty) is really nice too. Sleeping in a room alone is an adjustment, but for now I have my own space that I can do WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT with. But the BEST part is living with a fantastic year-old chocolate lab named Maddie, even with the copious amounts of hair on everything. She likes taking naps in my room and following me around the house in the morning. There's no question as to whether or not I'll have a dog when I live somewhere in the real world.

Tomorrow classes begin and I'll start doing practicums in preparation for student teaching next semester. I can see how God has planned out each step this year as an adjustment for me in my growing-up process. But I'm not scared of it like I used to be, just a little bit sad and a little bit excited at the same time. I have no question that His will is good and that He's molding me into someone who looks more like Him. He is my joy and fulfillment in every circumstance--including changes like these.

Dfocus: The End

This room is really quiet without seven other girls giggling in the background. I'm not sure what to do with it.

So I'm home. Not just to do laundry or eat dinner before heading back to my cabin for a snugglefest or running out with my crazy friends for a midnight escapade, but to sleep and stay like I'm supposed to. It's lonely. On top of that, I'm purposefully listening to sad music, going through pictures, and refusing to fix the fact that I'm sleep deprived in order to ride this end-of-the-summer emotional tidal wave. Wah wah wah.

God did things this summer that I was told to expect but didn't necessarily think would happen.

First and foremost He's made Himself huge and real to me in a way that I've never experienced before. I learned how to present not only my circumstances, but most importantly my attitudes in order to learn what He was teaching me through the circumstances that I used to only pray would go away. He became my fulfillment more than ever before--something I've caught snatches of in the past but never rested in. I saw this especially at the end (that means...this week), when He blatantly told me no to something I really wanted and it took less than two days for me to stop wrestling with Him over it. That's Him giving me His mind, just like I'm learning to ask Him to.

Second, He gave me deep relationships with people who want only to follow Him and push me to do the same. People who I will not only miss, but will write letters to and drive several hours to visit. People who I WILL see in heaven. My cabinmates blessed me in a deep way as we learned to love and snuggle with each other for ten weeks. My small group surprised me with random words of wisdom and encouragement. God even allowed me to make friends with boys who showed me love and grace in a brotherly way that most will not--something I specifically asked for.

There's nothing like walking outside and seeing/yelling at friends out on their porches. Or coming into a cabin where three girls are stacked upon one another on the couch. Or absolutely rejoicing in free, cheesy Pigeon Forge experiences. Or worshiping loudly and openly while holding hands with friends on either side of you. Or realizing that Jesus loves you more than anyone else ever will and that He's showing you just a tiny glimmer of that love through a beautiful, blossoming community.

I was challenged and loved.

I am overjoyed to be holding onto Jesus by the hand while he He teaches me to trust Him one step at a time. 

The cryfest will continue on and off over the next few days, but I'm so comforted by the fact that when it comes to people who love Jesus, it's never the end. This is the time when my growth will really be put to the test and I'm so thankful that He will never leave me, regardless of the changes He puts in my still-short life.

Seasons are beautiful, and this was a particularly breathtaking summer.  

Dfocus: Part 2

Hannah kindly pointed out to me that my last post title contained the word "Dfoucs" which isn't actually a word at all. ESL moment. Sorry.

I am currently sitting at home on my own laptop, watching Emily Skaar paint a box as we listen to the sound of the dryer humming in the background. It's nice to actually be close to home for the summer.

The summer is going by in a blur, just as I thought it would. It made me sad at first, but now I'm content with it. God's taken me through so many programs like this where deep relationships are formed and left. I'd be really depressed if I didn't know that one day I won't have to say goodbye to anyone anymore.

The girls in my cabin--number 6--are nearly as precious to me as the ladies of The Fritz. We live up on a hill, so we are a bit separated from everyone else and have called ourselves the Sexy Seis. A lot of snuggling goes on in there and nothing remains hidden between us. It's a little frightening.

I've made friends with some Chinese girls who take pictures at Dollywood and Splash Country. I'm kind of amazed at God for bringing us together because he KNEW how much I wanted to minister to the foreign university students this summer and I've never had real Chinese friends before. They are so cute--I just want to put them in my purse and take them everywhere I go.

Tonight I am going to my seventh free showing of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. I am an unabashed fan girl who is not afraid to dance through the entire thing. It's kind of like Disney, the Bible, and rainbow dance parties all mixed into a two hour experience. The Chinese girls love it more than I do now and I make it my personal duty to get as many people as addicted to it as I am.

My prayers are changing from, "God, make me more loving....show me where you want me to go....help me do this..." to "Jesus, make me look more like you and make me teachable and pliable so that you can change me deep inside. Do what you want in me. I can do nothing good on my own, it all has to be you." He's so big--it's truly amazing.

I've finally seen the full redneck side of my hometown and it shines in all its rotten toothed, extra syllabled, hairy-chested, stretch-marked glory. Last summer I had a Uganda accent whenever I left my house. This summer it's a country accent that comes out every time I stand behind a cash register, drenched in sweat with the smell of Co-Cola and hawtdogs filling my nostrils as I smile at customers with all of my pearly whites still in tact. Thank you, Splash Country foods.

*Sigh* there's too little time to really type up this experience. All I know is that this is EXACTLY what was perfect for me this summer. Why do I ever doubt that my father's plans are better than my own?