Old Lady

Frappuccinos are more than they seem. Coffee? Ice? Something sweet? Apparently NOT. To make a frappuccino, you need a touch of Starbucks magic, something that I don't want to pay roughly $4 for every time. 

And so dies another attempt at making something awesome and edible for myself. 

I used to think it was funny when older people joked about "starving college students". Welp. Here I am, living in the world of you're-old-enough-to-feed-yourself-and-you-don't-have-a-whole-lotta-money-whatcha-gonna-do. I thought you weren't supposed to reach that point until you had kids to pay for. 

And what about a freezing college student? Laura didn't pack any winter clothes because she didn't think it would get cold until October. Guess what? I'm cold. I need sleeves. And I don't wanna shop for them.

Let's not forget the fact that I'm not really called a "college student" anymore. I am a preservice teacher. Next semester I will be a student teacher. Then my first name will permanently disappear and become "Miss". It already feels like I graduated because I live in a house with a dog, make my own food, wash my own dishes, and go to bed before eleven most of the time. 

Holy moly, I'm an adult. THAT was sudden. 

I like to go to bed early. There are three bottles of pills and a pair of earplugs on my nightstand. I can't function properly without coffee in the morning. I have to make a list when I go to Walmart. Classrooms of children call me "Miss Love". I write down everything I have to do on post-it notes and cross them off as I do them. Dressy clothes have become less uncomfortable. I enjoy watching Full House and the news. 

I just read that paragraph and gave a sad little laugh. 

WHO AM I??? 

This question has been plaguing me for the last few weeks as I've found myself going through a lot of transitions. I talked to Jesus about it and he tells me these things: 

You are mine.

You are infinitely loved.

You are like grass in the wind--fading quickly. BUT you will be permanently in my presence sooner than you think. 

You are KNOWN by ME. I am enough for you.

You are beautiful because I am beautiful, and I shine through you.

You still have the heart of a child. I know that because I made you that way.

Be confident in me.

He and I talk a lot more these days, which I suppose is a perk to living in a house where I have my own room. Soon and very soon, May will be here and another transition period will occur. In fact, most of my life will be full of transitions. Guess it's time to really get grounded into my only Rock. 

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." 

-Psalm 90:14

The House of Adventure

Some stuff about living in the ghetto house of Lookout Mountain.

Bedsheets keep out sunlight just as well as curtains will. 

Boxes of books make as good of couch legs as anything. 

A yard that looks like a jungle that's been through a forest fire is good protection against anyone ever coming to your house....this includes neighbors who could make you poisonous cookies. 

Buy salad mix, even if you won't use all of it before it goes bad. I'm about to die of scurvy or whatever you get from not eating green things. 

Dogs shed. A lot. 

Don't leave the bathroom door open if you want the dog to stay out of the nasty trash. 

Dogs leave nose prints on anything glassy.

Dogs are awesome.

I'm on the brink of digging a pit in the backyard to throw all of this trash in. 

Cheese graters double as pasta strainers. 

$30 Kmart dressers are probably not the most stable on the market. That's why God invented duct tape and tool-handy roommates. 

Who needs a kitchen table anyway?

It's amazing how many things you can make with simple sandwich ingredients. And how many things you can't.

It's a good thing smoke detectors come with a shut-up button. 

God also invented Lysol spray for houses whose windows won't open.

Less than a square foot of counter space is sufficient for preparing food. Really.

First houses challenge your skills of creativity and ingenuity, and I am determined to be victorious.

New Life in The Hollow

Hello, change. I've experienced a lot of you in the last two weeks.

On the same day that I said goodbye to my sweet dfocus community, I also said goodbye to my younger brother as I moved him into college. Mind you, UT isn't that far from home, but it's still LEAVING our house. WAH.

Last week, I spent a day with my precious Chinese girls and they cooked dinner in their hotel room for Emily Skaar and me--which means that they consider us really close friends *insert warm fuzzies here* The next day I reciprocated and had them over for dinner. We had sweet times playing board games together and laughing, regardless of cultural barriers. I saw tears glistening in Meng's eyes when we said goodbye for the last time. God blessed me so much with them. Only one of them knows Jesus now, but I'm asking him to please please please bring the others into His family as well so we can all hug each other in heaven.

A few days later, it was time to move to my NEW HOUSE (also known as "The Hollow" for now). Well, the house itself isn't quite so new--it certainly has its....quirks (why does my room smell like pee..?)....but it's a place I've never lived before. Girls have this idealistic tendency when it comes to houses to think that we will really enjoy having a place to clean, cook in, and call home. Time for a wake up call ladies, these things require upkeep! The lawn is an overgrown mess and we have no lawnmower (or machetes) with which to cut it. There is no dumpster sitting conveniently outside, waiting for us to put our trash in it. Broken furniture requires tools and lack of furniture requires money and shopping time (table? counter space? a couch? do we really need those?). Planning meals is an art skill that takes time and energy (and budgeting prowess on very little money) to perfect. And even living with a puppy, which has been my joy these last few days, means extra time sweeping, taking it out to poop, and dealing with little brown hairs stuck in everything.

I'm also trying to get used to not living in the constant community I had on The Fritz. Now I have to drive up to campus if I want to visit my friends--I can't just walk down the hallway. And not spending my last year living with Lisa is so sad to me even though I know God wanted it.

On the other hand, having a living room is really nice (even if the couch is overturned because two of the legs are missing). Having immediate access to food (even if it's scanty) is really nice too. Sleeping in a room alone is an adjustment, but for now I have my own space that I can do WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT with. But the BEST part is living with a fantastic year-old chocolate lab named Maddie, even with the copious amounts of hair on everything. She likes taking naps in my room and following me around the house in the morning. There's no question as to whether or not I'll have a dog when I live somewhere in the real world.

Tomorrow classes begin and I'll start doing practicums in preparation for student teaching next semester. I can see how God has planned out each step this year as an adjustment for me in my growing-up process. But I'm not scared of it like I used to be, just a little bit sad and a little bit excited at the same time. I have no question that His will is good and that He's molding me into someone who looks more like Him. He is my joy and fulfillment in every circumstance--including changes like these.

Dfocus: The End

This room is really quiet without seven other girls giggling in the background. I'm not sure what to do with it.

So I'm home. Not just to do laundry or eat dinner before heading back to my cabin for a snugglefest or running out with my crazy friends for a midnight escapade, but to sleep and stay like I'm supposed to. It's lonely. On top of that, I'm purposefully listening to sad music, going through pictures, and refusing to fix the fact that I'm sleep deprived in order to ride this end-of-the-summer emotional tidal wave. Wah wah wah.

God did things this summer that I was told to expect but didn't necessarily think would happen.

First and foremost He's made Himself huge and real to me in a way that I've never experienced before. I learned how to present not only my circumstances, but most importantly my attitudes in order to learn what He was teaching me through the circumstances that I used to only pray would go away. He became my fulfillment more than ever before--something I've caught snatches of in the past but never rested in. I saw this especially at the end (that means...this week), when He blatantly told me no to something I really wanted and it took less than two days for me to stop wrestling with Him over it. That's Him giving me His mind, just like I'm learning to ask Him to.

Second, He gave me deep relationships with people who want only to follow Him and push me to do the same. People who I will not only miss, but will write letters to and drive several hours to visit. People who I WILL see in heaven. My cabinmates blessed me in a deep way as we learned to love and snuggle with each other for ten weeks. My small group surprised me with random words of wisdom and encouragement. God even allowed me to make friends with boys who showed me love and grace in a brotherly way that most will not--something I specifically asked for.

There's nothing like walking outside and seeing/yelling at friends out on their porches. Or coming into a cabin where three girls are stacked upon one another on the couch. Or absolutely rejoicing in free, cheesy Pigeon Forge experiences. Or worshiping loudly and openly while holding hands with friends on either side of you. Or realizing that Jesus loves you more than anyone else ever will and that He's showing you just a tiny glimmer of that love through a beautiful, blossoming community.

I was challenged and loved.

I am overjoyed to be holding onto Jesus by the hand while he He teaches me to trust Him one step at a time. 

The cryfest will continue on and off over the next few days, but I'm so comforted by the fact that when it comes to people who love Jesus, it's never the end. This is the time when my growth will really be put to the test and I'm so thankful that He will never leave me, regardless of the changes He puts in my still-short life.

Seasons are beautiful, and this was a particularly breathtaking summer.  

Dfocus: Part 2

Hannah kindly pointed out to me that my last post title contained the word "Dfoucs" which isn't actually a word at all. ESL moment. Sorry.

I am currently sitting at home on my own laptop, watching Emily Skaar paint a box as we listen to the sound of the dryer humming in the background. It's nice to actually be close to home for the summer.

The summer is going by in a blur, just as I thought it would. It made me sad at first, but now I'm content with it. God's taken me through so many programs like this where deep relationships are formed and left. I'd be really depressed if I didn't know that one day I won't have to say goodbye to anyone anymore.

The girls in my cabin--number 6--are nearly as precious to me as the ladies of The Fritz. We live up on a hill, so we are a bit separated from everyone else and have called ourselves the Sexy Seis. A lot of snuggling goes on in there and nothing remains hidden between us. It's a little frightening.

I've made friends with some Chinese girls who take pictures at Dollywood and Splash Country. I'm kind of amazed at God for bringing us together because he KNEW how much I wanted to minister to the foreign university students this summer and I've never had real Chinese friends before. They are so cute--I just want to put them in my purse and take them everywhere I go.

Tonight I am going to my seventh free showing of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. I am an unabashed fan girl who is not afraid to dance through the entire thing. It's kind of like Disney, the Bible, and rainbow dance parties all mixed into a two hour experience. The Chinese girls love it more than I do now and I make it my personal duty to get as many people as addicted to it as I am.

My prayers are changing from, "God, make me more loving....show me where you want me to go....help me do this..." to "Jesus, make me look more like you and make me teachable and pliable so that you can change me deep inside. Do what you want in me. I can do nothing good on my own, it all has to be you." He's so big--it's truly amazing.

I've finally seen the full redneck side of my hometown and it shines in all its rotten toothed, extra syllabled, hairy-chested, stretch-marked glory. Last summer I had a Uganda accent whenever I left my house. This summer it's a country accent that comes out every time I stand behind a cash register, drenched in sweat with the smell of Co-Cola and hawtdogs filling my nostrils as I smile at customers with all of my pearly whites still in tact. Thank you, Splash Country foods.

*Sigh* there's too little time to really type up this experience. All I know is that this is EXACTLY what was perfect for me this summer. Why do I ever doubt that my father's plans are better than my own?

Dfoucs: Part 1

In the twenty minutes or so I have to blog, I'm going to try to tell you about my experience--so far--at Discipleship Focus 2011. I will not be successful. That is ok.

During each summer of my college career, God has shown me some overarching theme/big lesson that is important for me to learn. 2009 at camp: He works through brokenness. 2010 in Uganda: I need to lean on Him daily, everywhere. 2011 at Dfocus: "Look at me, Laura! I am really big and I LOVE YOU!!"

I've been a "real" Christian since I was ten and loved Jesus since before I can remember. Part of me thought I had this walk all figured out. WRONG. The intense study we are doing at Dfocus has gone very deep into some simple concepts that I never thought about so much before and the foundations of my relationship with Him are being shifted and shaken.

One huge truth I've seen especially in these last few weeks? God is love (have you ever REALLY thought about the implications of that??). Because He is love, nothing is more glorious to Him than showing love and being loved in return. "Bringing God glory", which I always knew was the purpose of my life, is not really something I have to do. I don't have to be concerned about going out and showing people how big and great God is--He can do that all by Himself. It's just about loving Him. A lot. And his love is HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.

I think I'm falling in love.

But just because I'm doing all this concentrated I-love-God stuff doesn't mean it doesn't get a little crazy around here. There are 53 college students living on a campground together with access to free stuff in Pigeon Forge. It's impossible for it not to get crazy. I would put up pictures, but my home internet is being as slow as a snake in winter. I'll make a list instead.

Hillbilly night at Dixie Stampede.

Stabucks. A lot. 

The Track.

Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. 

Dance parties. 

Gatlinburg Motion Ride.

Donuts. 

Ultimate Frisbee. 

Hammocks. 

Skin---I mean, swimming. 

Froyo.

Neon Cosmic Bowling.

Jurassic Boat Ride. 

Mini Golf. 

Neon Bowling. 

Walmart.

Spooning. 

It's a great time. My cabinmates are hilarious--Baba Larve is now an established member and one of my roommates also likes to play the part of a small Mexican boy named Oscar. They make a great team. We hung a hammock from bunk to bunk in my bedroom. The girls in my small group like to dive into deep discussion, and I'm all about that. It's also nice to finally have some guy friends that aren't befriending me because they want to creep on me later. Genuinely nice Christian boys that show me the love of Christ in a brotherly way---that is a beautiful and rare thing. I'm also learning to buy groceries like a grownup and cook for myself. 

Oh yeah, and I have a job working all over Splash Country in different concessions booths, since part of dfocus is that everyone works at Dollywood or Splash Country. Because of this job, I never want to eat hotdogs or nachos again and I will NEVER get a tattoo. 

I've got seven weeks left of this adventure. Yee-haw.

Dfocus FTW!

Discipleship Focus starts tomorrow. 

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

My bags are not packed, my clothes are not washed, my shopping is not done, and I have a list of stuff that needs to be crossed off before I can take the ten-minute drive to the campground where I will be living for the rest of the summer. I. AM. SO. READY.

My May-time adventures have been sweet, though. In the last few weeks I have: 

-prepared for, gone to, and teared up at my brother's graduation. 

-given a Mongolian boy my number. 

-gone on a family hike and held hands with my sister as we chatted, sloshing through the mud and rain. 

-seen my missionary aunt and uncle for the first time in three years. 

-gone to a benefit concert thrown by two of my friends. 

-made a lot of coffee, the fancy way.

-been swimming roughly every other day. 

-turned two shades darker than my regular peach color. 

-been shopping. A lot. 

-had homemade ice cream. 

-shared laughs and heartaches with dear friends. 

-watched an infomercial for the genie bra. ("Bra-vo, genie bra!")

-written a book entitled "Puppy Laura and Lisa Lion's Fun Party"

-mailed a package to my kids in Uganda.

-babysat little second cousins who I had never met.

-seen the new Pirates movie.

-finished two scrapbooks.

-read Peter and the Starcatchers and A Little Princess.

-been awesome.

But now it's time to get on with things. A job, fifty new friends, dance parties all the time, ultimate frisbee, hiking, rocking chairs, and general silliness await me for the next ten weeks. So does the chance to deepen my relationship with my Savior, which is something I have not been doing enough of lately. 

I also won't have a laptop for ten weeks, so I'm not sure how this blog will come along. Oh well.

Let the fun begin!