Hence, a long blog.

List of words that describe the current times: international, semper gumby, GBF, raptor, novocaine, angst, ideal woman, and anaplastic astrocytoma. Yes, this blog will be long.

Whenever I come home, this thing happens where I go, "Oh! I have a whole free week! How bored I shall be!" and then, two hours later, I go, "Oh! I now have a full week! Whenever shall I have time to rest?" Does this mean I'm finally popular? I'm not entirely sure.

I kind of feel like I'm having two summers in a row and they are complete opposites of one another. Africa? I went to Africa? No, surely not. I'm doing a million and one things here. Whenever would I have had time to go to Africa?

Actually, the way God planned it out is really funny. I went to a place where I was the outsider (major outsider, actually, being extra-white as I am) working with children to a place where I was the native working with outsiders my own age. Since arriving back in Sevierville, I've gotten involved in a ministry called "La Puerta". It's for foreign university students working in Pigeon Forge for the summer. At first, it was really awkward because I arrived at the student center and the director told me "just go talk to students". Um, ok. Now, this is a small place with computers and washing machines and not much else. So I awkwardly plopped myself down beside a Russian and started making intrusive small talk. Fast forward a couple weeks. I've been to the center a few times, and a Thai lady that helps out there calls me and asks if I can go with her and some students to Cherokee. I say sure that would be fun......The day before we go, I get a call from her.

Laura: Oh yeah, I'm still planning on going with you guys!
Ladda: Good! I need yo heyp! I cannot drive!
Laura: .....you need me to drive then?
Ladda: Oh thank you!
Laura: Do you have directions? What will we do?
Ladda: You get on internet and find directions! We see when we get there!

Last Friday, therefore, found me with one talkative Russian in my front seat and three Mongolians in my back seat singing to Shania Twain on a one and a half hour drive to Cherokee, North Carolina....minus one Thai lady leader. However, we still managed to have a blast. Magically, we all also managed to match outfits. Guess who the obnoxious American tour guide is?

On the ride up, Julia (the Russian girl) asked me if she could come to church with me on Sunday. God made that one wayyyy too easy. So, a couple days later, I took her and another Russian girl, Masha, to church and then to my house. They really enjoyed it and dad took a fun picture of us.

Doing this has been such a learning experience. I actually know some things about Mongolia now (because who ever gives much thought to Mongolia?) and I've had to draw from my experience in Africa--how I would have wanted to be treated when I was the outsider. I've made friends with people from Russia, Mongolia, Kazakhstan, and Azerbaijan. And I've gotten to share the love of Christ with people from another culture without having to raise money and hop on a plane. COOL. Hence, the words international and semper gumby (always flexible...and no, gumby is not Latin for flexible).

I have also made a new gay friend named Chris! Morgan has known him for a while already, and we've gotten to hang out several times since I've been back. Being friends with him has really caused me to think (as if I wasn't doing enough of that already with all my other new friends....) about how I treat those that Christian society usually shuns. I had a gay friend before, but we didn't have to opportunity to stay close. This time it's different because Chris believes in God, but he's still gay. I'm trying to figure that out. I do love him though and he makes me laugh hysterically. Hence GBF, aka "gay best friend"

I have seen Morgan nearly every other day since I've been back. She's basically my other sister. When we were with Chris, we began doing "the raptor". How-to: make a two-fingered raptor talon with each hand, pull elbows into chest, and squeal "REEEE!" Hence, raptor.

Today I got a tooth filled and they had to numb up the right side of my mouth. I didn't know they were going to do this. So, as I'm lying on my back waiting for just a little drill, this giant needle suddenly comes swinging at my face and I go OH CRAAAP. Hence, novocaine. 


My sister began high school two days ago and she's already getting crazier. She was convinced that she would meet her dream man husband on the first day, but was then hit with the cold reality that those don't exist in high school. Hence, angst.


You know what I love about Africa? They value a woman with a figure, which is why it's ok for women to eat thick food like men do and show off some curve. You know what I hate about America? Boys here have been made to think that a beautiful body doesn't have a lot of curve. My best guy friend makes me feel like a giant when he points out the girls he thinks are attractive and my brother makes me feel ugly when he talks about the girls he likes. I don't look like those girls. My anatomy will never permit me to look like those girls. Does that mean I'm ugly? I didn't see it as much until I left America for a while, but now that I do, it really does hurt. Hence, ideal woman. I am not the American version of this.


Last, but not least, anaplastic astrocytoma. Fancy words for a special kind of brain tumor. NO, I do not have one. But, if you recall, this summer I have acquired the aspiration of becoming a children's author. In my next story, one of my characters will have said brain tumor. Therefore, I'm trying to do research on it, even though doing this makes me really depressed. Cancer is not a happy subject and I hurt for all the children I've read about that died from this tumor.

I go back to school on Tuesday. I am less popular there. Yay.

Song of the day: Man, I Feel Like a Woman. Oh, Shania.

Birthday Awesome.

Word of the day: birthday. Yeah, well, my birthday was two days ago, but whatever. I figure it's time to write about it because 20 is a pretty big birthday.

It all began on the 5th, when I suddenly went whoah, this is my last day as a teenager. What do I do? The first thing on the agenda, of course, was to listen to teenie bopper music while I was in the shower. Excellent. Then Audrey and I went out to "go to the bank". Yes, we did go to the bank, but first we took a side trip to McDonald's for smoothies and screamed to Ke$ha music all the way through the drive-thru, with the windows down of course. And, after the bank, we took another side trip to Walmart just for fun. They had three different sections with UT shoes in them! THREE! It was disgusting. Too much tacky orange.

I puttered around after that, bored, until Tori showed up. We Redboxed Leap Year and Valentine's Day, so by the time we were finished I felt like I was in love...but I'm not sure who with. Between movies, we made brownies--at 2 am. Thank goodness mom n dad weren't home.

Of course, we woke up at noon the next day, which means it was time for breakfast. Tori and I made really, really awesome pancakes.

Fast-forward two hours to find us at the Tin Roof coffee shop with Rejoice and Jordan. We spent over an hour playing a question game. We discussed whether or not we would want to know the date of our death and what the worst hairdo we ever had was. DEEP.

Then back home where my pool was waiting. Only Jordan and Daniel actually went swimming, but they soaked me with water guns while I danced around the pool. Jordan also pushed me into the landscaping and I cut my toes up.

Morgan showed up, Rejoice left, and we had the traditional family-friend-pizza-dinner AND homemade chocolate ice cream YUM. Oh yeah--and I got some presents--the Amanda show, Jesus Storybook Bible, a coffeemaker, and all the sheet music to Pride & Prejudice. Needless to say, I was *thrilled*. Audrey also made me a balloon Flounder, Triton, and Merdog because I love The Little Mermaid so much. And I wore a crown. Yay me.

After that the four of us headed up to Gatlinburg while playing the ipod game. I profusely recommend this game for people who want to laugh a lot. In Gatlinburg, we played with hermit crabs, scared people in a mirror maze, sat at a hobbit table at Donut Friar, played DDR, and watched moonshine distilling.

We got home, Tori left, and the rest of us stayed up watching the Amanda Show and laughing HYSTERICALLY.

And.....yeah, that's about it. Hey, I'm 20 now and I'm about to start my junior year. AWESOME.

And I'm really mature.

Song of the day: Love Song by Sara Bareilles. I refuse to write you one.

Quarter-Life Crisis

MY REAL BLOG! I missed you! The trip blog was fun, but I enjoy my old blog more.

Let's start with the way all good blogs should start.

Word of the...um....the last couple weeks: America. America is a big place with a lot of white people that speak fast English. Amazing that a place like that actually exists, huh? Yeah, I thought so too.

Before I talk about life at all, I have a statement to make. If this is your first time stumbling across my blog and you haven't kept up with it/don't know me at all, please don't judge what I say. There are a lot of jokes in here that make more sense when you actually know me. I discovered recently that my blog was read by people who didn't know me and assumed that I was a little---well, creepy. That's the downside to blogs. From now on, I'll be a little more careful. I say a lot of things I don't mean because they are funny.

So America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. I've spent the last couple weeks trying to catch up with my friends and family, of course.

We'll begin with family. My mom got kind of buff. My sister got taller than me--stupid 14-year-old growth spurt. My brother got a car (excuse me?!?!?!). Dad's off this week, so yesterday we (family) went on a five mile hike and now my legs hurt. On Monday he took me on a date. Most dads aren't that cool. Last week we had a Hammer family reunion (mom's side--obviously) and I reacquired my southern roots with bar-be-que sandwiches and an accent to boot.

Friends. I really like having them. I hung out with Grace for my first couple days back. I got to see Lisa and Alyssa at the Mall of Georgia. Sarah, Rachel, and I had a very silly sleepover. I've seen Morgan at least three times in the last week. Rejoice is getting married, which is weird. Britney and Laurel both already got married. Morgan introduced me to her two gay friends, and we had a really fun time last night. I feel popular.

Since I'm here til the 24th, I'm trying to get somewhat involved in La Puerta, an outreach for foreign university students that come to work in Pigeon Forge for the summer. I've only been able to go twice so far, but it's fun getting to talk to the university students.

In two days I will be twenty. August sixth. My my. I must be hitting my quarter-life crisis or something. I'm a grown-up....but I'm not. I'm actually convinced that I'll never be a real grown-up. But I've gotten to that age where I can call everybody by their first name, and that's very strange. "So, Mrs Bea--I mean, Ruth, I was thinking..." What's even weirder is that I'm hitting the age where my friends are starting to get engaged and married. I want to say, "Hold on, weren't we just in high school? What are you doing??" I'm also getting closer to the part of my life where I have to figure out what I'm actually going to do with it....but I still have two more years to explore the possibilities. I have, however, decided on four things:

1) I want to be a teacher. I don't want to do it every year of my life, but I would like to do it for several of them.
2) I want to adopt a child from a foreign country.
3) I want to write funny children's books.
4) I want a dog.

Hurray for life goals!

Song of the day: Whatever by Steven Curtis Chapman

Happy + Sad

Word of the day: go.

I'm feelin' a little happy, a little sad, a little out of it...of course, it is 2:15 am and I just really don't want to go to bed. I'm a mess.

As a hall, we watched three episodes of Boy Meets World and one episode of Glee after the last time I wrote. Last night together. Happy + sad.

Wednesday was a little hard. I spent a good chunk of the day packing. Then Alyssa and I had to say goodbye to Esty and the boys for good (though we left cards and cake behind). Then I had to leave my hall, and I'm not gonna lie, I cried pretty hard coming down that mountain. These girls have been the biggest chunk of my life over the last nine months or so. They brought me through the hard times, and each of them is a beautiful, special, crazy individual lady. Yeah, nobody's dying, but next year will be different. The seniors will all move off campus. Brit's getting married. Molly's moving away. Diana's going to a different hall. The dynamics all change. Every once in a while, I just want to keep time where it is, and this was one of those times. But everyone is going to do awesome things this summer, and Lisa gave me our first hug. Happy + sad.

We're cute.

Rull cute.

When I finally got home, unloading the car was ridiculous. Only sad. Or maybe just tiring.

I got to spend the afternoon with Morgan on Thursday. We watched Dr. Who and New Moon and tried on clothes and did those things we do when we're together. She's my best friend/sister blend. We frustrate the heck outa each other sometimes, but we've been friends so long it doesn't even matter. Her house is my haven. In a few years, she's going to be married and she won't be at that house and we won't be like that anymore. I may be out of the country. I'll at least be out of the city. Even now, I don't really want to leave her for the summer. Sad, some happy. I mean, I do want to see her children one day.

I went shopping with my mom today. We exhausted ourselves scrambling around walmart for bug spray. She's upset that we won't be able to call each other this summer. I took my sister to Starbucks for happy hour and we spent the rest of the afternoon dancing around the pool in our bathing suits. Like, literally--dancing. It's what the Love sisters do. Tomorrow I'm doing her hair for prom. My brother got an awesome summer job--and he's going to be an amazing husband. My dad says I never cease to amaze him with my creativity. Mimi says I make her day when I give her a call. My family--I'm leaving them for the summer. Eventually I'll leave them for longer than that. Mostly sad, but happy when mom asks me to do chores.

I talked to Matt tonight. I miss him a lot. He makes me laugh. I don't know when/if I'll ever see him again (we're talking earthly bodies here). Happy + sad.

I got a haircut today that makes me look like a boy. There's about an inch of hair on my neck, and that's all. This is only....interesting.

I'm leaving the state on Sunday. I'm leaving the country on Monday. Oh my. This will be my last post on this blog before then, so goodbye all. I will be posting on my trip blog only until I get back, and then I'll pick this up again. Happy, because I'll only have one blog to keep up with.

Song of the day: Hot and Cold by Katy Perry

Whoa.

Word of the day: Exams. Let's be honest, exams eat your life. So does cleaning day. So does food, even though you eat it back. I love food. I especially love it when I'm stressed with exams, so here I have a cycle of things eating me and me eating things and it's just vicious.

We have come to the end of the school year and I'm leaving the country in six days. Oh. My. Gawsh.

Feelings now? Um, I'm really tired.

Four out of five exams are over, so I have one left tomorrow that's keeping me from being an official junior. Let's just finish this already. I have no desire to look at any more words for a while. Unfortunately, this summer I will have five books to read and I'll probably be teaching some English. Woohoo words.

The Fritz 2009-2010 is almost over. I'm just numb over this. I don't think I'll fully miss these women til I'm gone, look back, and say "oh no, it's over!" Not that any of them are dying, but Britney's getting married and almost everyone is moving elsewhere. Oh, life. We can never stay in one place for long. We'll be getting ten freshmen next year. That's ten out of sixteen girls. I've decided that I'm writing them a violent list of rules for abiding on the hall. I'll post this list when I come up with it.

Cleaning day was one of the most fantastic days of the week. Lisa and I woke up at 8:30 to go to Krispy Kreme and pick up donuts and coffee for the hall. We danced all the way down and back. Then we spent hours and hours listening to hip hop (well, I kind of forced her to listen to it) and dance/cleaning. This is my version of mopping the floor: spread the soapy stuff around on the floor, slap two wet rags on it, and skate around on the wet rags to the beat of music. It's very effective and you don't get a sore back. That, and you feel a lot sexier doing it. Now the room is all rearranged and it feels weird. Lisa and I have super high beds next to each other and we kind of feel like gurus on a giant Himalayan mountain. When I go to sleep, I feel like the Princess and the Pea. It's high. I don't like it. The walls are bare, too and there is so much dancing room on the floor.

We celebrated the end of cleaning day with some Moe's. Yes, we danced all the way down there too. I pretty much danced the whole day. And, thanks to the video "Peter at the Park", we're all going around saying, "These crusty-crust lips I gawt!" with several variations, like "These kristy kreme donuts I gawt."

Yesterday, I covered myself in Lisa's sparkly temporary tatoos.

The other night, Joel left a cart on our hall. Needless to say, we have a good time on anything that has wheels. Then Laura Main made two hopscotches on the floor with masking tape. We've been getting a lot of exercise lately.

On Sunday night, we played volleyball--on the hall.

I'm obsessed with Chacos.

I get annoyed when girls who don't live here cover our veranda with their barely-clothed bodies. 

My relationship with God has been really great lately. I'm learning a lot about dependency in prayer.

My Ukrainian friend Yana got a facebook today, and we had the most wonderful awkward chat this afternoon.We've been e-mailing over the last couple years and, because we have to send them through computer translators, we have a hard time understanding half of what the other one says.

I have a sticker book with my name on it. Thank you, mom.

I printed out the story today. It is done. 168 pages, dude.

Mr roommate is epic.

Now we are all on the veranda watching Molly paint. And listening to Demetri Martin.

Today is Star Wars day. May the Fourth be with you. It is also my last full day of sophomore year, and my last full day with this hall.

Boo.

Song of the day: Space Cowboy by 'N Sync

Fantastic Fritz

Word of the day: CHOW Paper. I just DOMINATED it. 5 pages, 3 hours, felt like I was swimming through mud the whole time.

My roommate just burst into my room and made me scream something awful. Understand, she does this all the time, which is the reason my voice will be gone by the time I graduate.

Oh no. Alyssa just stuck in Walking Across Egypt. In a moment, there will be way too much Jonathan Taylor Thomas in the atmosphere.

Hey, so remember how Mountain Air was eating my life? Well, it finally stopped doing that around nine on Friday night. We didn't place, but I felt like a rock star. There's me, three over from the left.

So...what involves ten beautiful ladies and a weekend of absolute, wonderful, feminine bliss??

FRITZ WEEKEND!!!

This began immediately after Mountain Air, so we hit the road around 10:30 or so. I was tired out of my mind, but Kait forced me to drink a cup of coffee so that we could have a two hour dance rave with Diana in the back of the car. I think I lost about 50 thousand brain cells from head banging.
 

We got to Lisa's around one in the morning and Becky (Lisa's precious mother) got up just to see us. Then Lisa decided it would be a good idea to walk through the woods barefoot to go for a romp on the golf course under the stars. Yeah, talk about ouch on my feet. But we had a good time out there.

Then we went inside to play guitar hero. Til 2:30 in the morning. EXHAUSTION.

We woke up the next morning to the smell of delicious things in the kitchen. Precious Becky made us breakfast and we all got to eat outside. Then we hit the LAKE in Lisa's boat!!! And yes, I did wear my bikini. And yes, we did have an excellent time.

Yeah, we're great.

And we dance a lot.

My roommate is a precious redneck.

And I can't believe Britney's gonna be married in 2 1/2 months!

Needless to say, we all go sufficiently baked and a few of us almost drowned. See, we decided that it would be fun to jump in the freeeezing cold water. Unfortunately, it was next to impossible to get back up in the boat and a group of girls floated away while the rest of us tried to get back up.

That night, Lisa's daddy, Scott, took us out to dinner at a Hibachi place. We all got dressed up (except Laura Main, who forgot the proper clothes). Our cook was a Hispanic guy named Paco (at a Japanese place...hmmm....) and he pulled some scary trick that scared the bejesus out of me. I screamed and everybody laughed at me. My roommate, who loves making me scream, was particularly thrilled.

We're gorgeous.

And that's frightening Paco.

 

Then we split into two groups and one group went home while the other went to Walmart. Those of us who got back early hopped on the golf cart and whizzed around to the neighborhood of mansions near Lisa's house
for the next hour. Being girls, we drooled.  A lot. Then we went back to Lisa's and played Guitar Hero and had Molly's made-to-order milkshakes.

 

 

Then Alyssa and I played dollhouse for a while. I was the mom and she was the dad and we had a baby mouse whose leg fell off...whoops...and there were a lot of "marriage" scandals....

Then we had some Fritz-love-each-other-and-Jesus-time.

Then Amy and I ate about a gallon of ice cream and giggled like twelve-year-olds at the their first slumber party. And then there was some really great cuddle time up on the guest bed.

Mmmmm....

And then we went back the next morning! Good, sweet, simple times. And we heard the song "Hey, Soul Sister" about twenty times that weekend. 

Then Alyssa and I had a wonderful dinner with Esty. We all went to Chile's and, after dinner, had a delectable chocolate chip lava cake. In the meantime, we chatted it up with Nigel the waiter, swapped boy advice (well, that was more of a one-way street considering the fact that Esty's married), and quoted Demetri Martin. 

Lisa and Alyssa forced me to go for a donut run on Monday night and it turned into a sweet, two hour drive around the mountian. 

Last night, my sweet, sweet 81-year-old Grandaddy drove about two hours to come up here and take me out to dinner. We went to Rembrandt's, walked across the bridge, and talked about all his old cars. I had two emotions before he got here 1) That it would be super awkward because, well, my Gradaddy isn't the most verbal man, and 2) I felt privileged because Grandaddy never even took any of his own daughters out on a date, much less any of his grandaughters. He likes me, I think :) And it was a lot less awkward than I expected it to be.

 

I have some more things due before next Tuesday. That's painful. 

School: less than 2 more weeks. Holy moly. 

Song of the day: Hey Soul Sister.

Funfetti

Word of the day: Mountain Air: a lipsyncing competition I'll be taking part in this Friday. I'm in a group that's doing "Seize the Day" from The Newsies and it's a lot more work than I thought it would be.

I'm sacrificing precious time to blog. I also find it an alternative to doing schoolwork.

Thursday afternoon, I got a last minute request to babysit. I thought "ok, no problem". Well, it was the five child family again. SUPER cute kids, but SUPER crazy kids. It wasn't worth it. It especially wasn't worth it when I got back to school and realized that, for five kids for five hours last minute (yeah, it was almost 1 am when I got back), I was only paid $6 an hour. Cute kids or not, it isn't worth it--that's below minimum wage.

Do you know why Friday was amazing? It was amazing because both of my afternoon classes were cancelled. I had so much time to do things!

Put yourself in this scene: 2:30 am. Just fell asleep. Suddenly there is a terrifying rumble outside in the hallway. In your dream, there was an earthquake. Then there's a pounding on your door and someone shouts "GET UP GET UP GET UP!!!" You jolt up and look at your roommate, who's standing up, staring at the door. She promptly walks over and locks it. You grumble incoherently to yourself and throw your head back down on the pillow, cursing the boys who you know weren't allowed to be on the hall.

The next day, we found out that those boys had also taken a boy from Sutherland, saran wrapped him to a chair in his boxers, spray painted him gold, and left in front of a girl's door.

Needless to say, I was very cranky when I woke up at 7 am for Love Chattanooga service project. However, those of us who went had a pretty good time. I learned how to work a lawn mover and a weed whacker, ruined a pair of pants, and got very sore.

Saturday night, the Fritz went to the drive-in to see How to Train Your Dragon and Bounty Hunter. First: excellent. Alyssa and I cuddled and said "awww" the whole time. Second: not so good. Lisa and I sat on the rood of her car and made fun of it. A lot of snacks and Ke$ha happened that night.

Sunday was interesting. I took Janessa ( a Uganda team member) to church and finally told the women's Sunday school class that I was going to Uganda this summer. Worship was a little hard, as someone I had asked not to come to New City decided to ignore me and come to church with his girlfriend anyway....not good for me, I was shaking while trying to worship God. Let's take a guess at who this was....ANYHOW after that, Janessa and I went to Move for Uganda, a thing in Coolidge park. While we were there, a Ugandan man sat a bunch of us down in the makeshift schoolhouse and explained the history of the war to us. Fascinating stuff.

That night I went to Esty's house for dinner. It was delicious and WONDERFUL. There is nothing better to a college student than getting to go to a home and eat home-cooked food. My alternative was Skettios. Before dinner, Ethan and Graham tried to shoot Esty and me. "Stit em up!!" Esty tried to explain that when someone puts their hands up, you don't shoot them. It didn't work out so well. After dinner, I read Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree (my favorite children's book) to the boys for my field placement project for Kiddie Lit. We also found hidden pictures in a Cars book.

I don't think I realized how much I missed Leila and Anna until I didn't see them for a week....Monday, we jumped on the trampoline and read outside at piano lessons. Anna and I are really beginning to get along, and it's nice. She only threw one fit on Monday.

Tuesday = assessment day = day off. Actually, it = more busy day than usual. I still had to get up early for practical service, but it was still worth it. After that, Mountain Air began to consume my life.

I hold to the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

This weekend, The Fritz is going to Lisa's house and we're all going to chill on the lake boat on Saturday. I'm breaking out the bikini and it will be FABULOUS!

Remember back in January when I said I was beginning to rewrite a story from ninth grade? No, you don't. That's ok. Here's the problem. I'm at 128 pages (not bad for three months, eh?) and almost finished. But everything is beginning to pile up now. I just want to finish so I can actually pay attention to schoolwork, but that's very, very hard. I just want six hours in a quiet room where I can finish. School decided it didn't want me to do this.

Kiddie Lit decided to make everything due at the end of the year.

OH YEAH. I got shots on Monday. Yellow Fever and Typhoid. Christina Klukow and I got lost several times on the way there and back and I'm so glad I took her. Now understand, normally I freak out at shots--real bad. But these shots barely even hurt on the way in (thank you nurse!) and afterwards Christina and I got huge frosties from Wendy's, turning my negative experience into a positive one. However, my arm wanted to fall off for the next two days.

My cousin Jeremiah sent me a Uganda check today with a post-it note on it. "This is to use on your trip to Uganda. -Jeremiah". I love my man-relatives.

Glee started up again yesterday and my roommate made thirty funfetti cupcakes to celebrate. Speaking of my roommate, it's roommate, it's Roommate Appreciation Day, and I just want to say ROOMMATE I APPRECIATE YOU!!!!

Alyssa just brought back delicious cake from Esty....mmmm.....

Song of the week: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Why has this song been stuck in my head lately? Because everything is starting to come full circle. This time last year was when the heartbreak process began...and because I'm in the same place where it happened, I'm going down memory lane all over again. "Oh, that's where I was sitting when he called. That was the ringtone that went off. That was the blanket I used when I tried to lie in the hallway because I was afraid to go to sleep in my bed and dream about it.....etc." However, come July 10th, this process should be over. Everything will have been over a year ago by then and I will have replaced those memories. Maybe. And then maybe I'll stop blogging about it altogether. Now wouldn't that be nice?