Word of the day: mismatched socks. Ok, two words. Whatever. I'm looking at my socks right now.

I have had Santa Baby stuck in my head since Thursday night. It is so hard to fall asleep to that song, especially when it's usually only one stanza. "Think of all the fun of missed...think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed..."

I feel like I'm always hungry. Why is this?

Today, I was telling Audrey and Daniel that I went to see the Nutcracker performed by a local dance school last year, one that's happening again today. They asked why. I said because Elizabeth had been in it and Dusty had wanted to go. Daniel says, "Oh, I didn't know they had fat ballerinas." Awful, terrible, mean comment, but it kind of made my day.

I worked fourteen hours in the last two days at Bath and Body Works. The first shift--11-4--not so bad. Just by the end of it I was so out of it I was talking like a 4-year-old. Then Morgan and I slept straight til our next shift. After the store closed, we were there until 3:30 in the effin morning. Someone thought it would be funny to order like three truckfuls of stuff to a tiny store whose back room was already full. NOT cool. I renamed the place Buff & Body Works.

I also had a dream night before last the terrorists took over the store and tortured us by giving us pedicures.

And I did something that I swore I would never do. I was one of those people who tried to get people to come into the store. I said, "Good evening, have you folks been to Bath and Body Works today?..." etc. depending on the reaction of the people. I HATE people that do that. The ones at the mall that are like, "Do you want to try some of our skin cream?" and I avert my eyes and pretend I can't see them. Yeah, I was one of those people. I felt like a hypocrite. I was one of the most annoying people I know.

You know what bugs me? Being asked the same stupid question over and over, especially when I'm just not in the mood to talk. Mom does that a lot. She wants to make conversation, so she will ask dumb questions that I've answered for her before. Like asking about food in the Great Hall. Who does that?? Here's the answer to any and all questions about the Great Hall: it's gross don't eat it if possible the end.

My whole family went to a Casting Crowns concert tonight. It was fun/interesting because it's first time we've ever been to one all together. But I feel like it would've been better with a few different things. Like my father not cursing at the cars in front of us on the way there, or the people who stood in front of our car as we tried to park. And here's the thing--I don't mind cussing, but I hate it when people use God's name in vain, and I thought it was rather ironic that MY father did it right before a CHRISTIAN concert. mmmk. And then there was mom making all the pointless conversation that I wasn't in the mood for. For example, on the way back, she was asking about Tobymac concerts I'd been to. Then she was asking how I'd gotten Casting Crowns to sign the t-shirt I was wearing at concert four years ago. Then she was asking if I could've gotten Tobymac to sign it. Then why I didn't. Then if he had had DiverseCity stuff to sign. On and on. Then when we got home, she was asking why I seemed so subdued. MOM.

Other than that, though, we had an alright time. It was Audrey's first concert, so we jumped a little. Mom jumped a little with us. I was surprised, because lately I've had a struggle listening to Christian music. Greasy posts lyrics to Christian songs on his facebook all the time, and since I know he's a complete liar when he does it, and that a lot of "Christians" are like that, I've had a hard time making myself listen to that music for the past few months. But I was singing the songs right along with them, even ones that he had posted on his profile.

And it was pretty awesome. But I'm coming face-to-face with my own sin and hypocrisy, and it's not pretty. I'm gross. I have problems.

I've also had an obssession with weight these last couple months. I know it's a sensitive topic, and I don't fully understand what my problem is. But I think it's this: ever since the breakup, I compared myself to Elizabeth in every way possible, which is a very bad, demeaning thing to do. But one thing that really stuck out was the fact that I had a better body than she did, and that was at least one thing I could assuredly claim I had over her. Now, if I feel like I'm getting fat, I freak out and I think it's because in the back of my head I'm determined to at least be more attractive than her in that aspect. Wow, I'm insecure.

And I'm hungry.

The song of the day was alread mentioned earlier.