Word of right now: lots. I have lots of lots. Like homework, needed hours of sleep, spoonfuls of peanut butter, pounds gained since I got here, clothes on my bed, stinky socks, etc...

After several attempts, Beaulah was finally rescued from downtown Chattanooga. Well, more like two attempts but it felt like a lot. Sarah and Carly were kind enough to come up here and take me back down the mountain just to find out that the gates closed an hour earlier on Fridays...but we had fun anyway. We watched the shrimp on a treadmill on youtube.

I have like two feet of scarf done and it's super fun. I just wanna knit all the time.

Saturday was one of the most boring days ever. Until Alyssa decided it was DONUT TIME. So, it's like ten o' clock at night, and we drive down the mountail. Alyssa is almost out of gas, so we stop at the sketch mountain gas station just to find out it's closed. Thankfully, we made it to the one at the bottom of the mountain. WELL, we get down there and Alyssa flips because she thinks she's lost her phone. We look everywhere, and then go back up the mountain to look for it in the gravel pit--we even stopped to check at sketch station--only to discover that it was under the front seat the whole time....

So we went back down and ended up going to IHOP instead of Krispy Kreme. Good choice. I had my first crepe, and sadly enough, it was not what I wanted it to be. And I'm sure the menu said that it came with ice cream, but our waitress kept saying no. And then there was a really sketchy policeman security guard who was staring at us...sketchily.

Studying on the veranda on a sunny day is like studying on the beach. Now I really want to go to the beach in a new bikini. Unfortuntely, my body is much less bikini-ish now than it was this summer...

Studying with Molly for Doctrine late at night = aaaaaahhhh! So much laughter...Adam's posterior, pig fetuses, a really fun drinking song, and finally, in a fit of frustration, Molly goes, "And d*mn all those b*stards to hell!" when answering the question on the estate whereinto man fell...SO FUNNY. Poor Molly...

This morning was crazy. Tired + disoriented. The Great Hall had scones. I love scones. I ate a scone and loved it. Then I fell asleep at the table. Then, on the way to practical service, all of my notes fell out of my folder and I couldn't get them back in. FAIL.

Kindergartners make everything better. I don't know what it is, and I love it. Cade is really artistic, and I think he shows some promise. However, it is a little weird that he colors flowers on his ice cream scoops...

I don't know how I did on my Doctrine test. I don't know how I did on my CHOW test. I don't know how much I really care.

So, according to Sarah, it looks like Liz may be wanting reconciliation with me. Apparently, younglife Bible study last week was about making peace, and she wants to make things between us non-awkward, like send me an e-mail or something. But, the way she described everything to the girls riding in the car who didn't know the story was like Greasy hadn't really done anything wrong--they just kind of ended up together. She didn't tell the whole story. And she tried not to put him at fault, just said that she knew he'd lied to me and some to her, but didn't go into detail about that. At first I was thinking "Then WHY are you still with him??" and then I remembered that I stayed with him even when I knew he had lied about her too. In the end, she just wanted their opinion on whether or not it would be a good idea.

So I don't know exactly why she wants this. Does she just feel guilty? Is she really sorry at all? Does she know how bad I was hurting, partially due to her? I mean, I put the guilt mostly on him, but at the same time, she knew what was going on and how bad it would hurt me and did it anyway. She DID say yes to him, even after I had tried to reconcile with her. And she lied to me too. I lost sleep, lost weight, and went disfunctional at for weeks at a time simply by picturing her face.

I didn't realize how much anger I had toward her until today, either. I don't want that anger. But I would like for her to really be sorry. I want to believe that she is deeper than he is. Maybe she's not and I want too much. But it's not like we can just be like--hey, let's just forget about it and be buds! No, I would have to bare my soul, tell her everything, and then just pray that she responds the right way without hurting me. I don't think I can reconcile with both of them and have them still be together, it wouldn't seem right to me. Or even reconcile with her, try to be friends, and she still be with him.

I'm so confused. There are way too many implications to this.

It's what I wanted, too, but I don't know if it's the way I wanted it.

And I received this information right before my CHOW test, so I kind of had a rough time concentrating at all.

And tonight, Lisa and I tried to see who could jump and touch the ceiling. And I trapped her in the closet. And she has a ridiculous amount of candy under her bed. And she wears a funny green hat every evening.

Song of the day: Sweet Caroline