Word of the week: Urbana. Also known as life changing.

I went in expecting this week to impact my life, but I didn't think it would hit the way it did.

Oh yeah, and it's the New Year.

By the time I finally got to bed that first night of the conference, I had gone at least 36 hours without sleep. That is insane. I just don't function at that level--but I think I was doing pretty well. At that point, I kind of wanted to strangle Rachel and Sarah, but I'm sure that was mostly because I was tired enough to want to strangle anybody that got in my way.

After that first night, everything was a whirlwind. I tell you what, at Urbana, they pack it in. Mondo. I was learning about the book of John in depth, hearing about child armies in Uganda, listening to talks on world poverty, hearing about the homosexual community, listening to speakers from around the globe, learning about raising support in missions, and on and on and on. So much information in four days. The entire thing was held in this HUGE stadium/conference center, and they had this big room called "global connexions" where, no joke, there were over 100 missions agencies looking to recruit. For little nerdy missions college students, that's like taking a fat kid to a candy buffet. It's fun for a while--but after, your head hurts.

I've known for a while that God's called me to missions. I didn't know what that would look like as a long-term thing. I thought that He might've wanted me in Russia or Ukraine, but when I got to the conference, I just became open to anything. After going to a seminar on child soldiers in Uganda, I felt more of a tug on my heart for teaching the kids that nobody wants. Those children need an education too--not just the missionary kids in nice buildings. I wanna teach in a hut with bugs! Well, not have the bugs, but if that's where God wants me, I'm all for it. I committed to cross cultural missions long term--that's two+ years. Wow. The booth that caught my eye most was giving an opportunity to spend the summer teaching orphans at a camp in the Dominican Republic. I know nothing about the Dominican Republic, but this idea really excites me.

We'll see.

Then there were the talks on forgiveness. I've been wanting to forgive for months, obviously. It's not in my nature to be angry all the time and it just feels unnatural to hold so much bitterness. I had saved all of Dusty's text messages in my phone for several different reasons. They reminded me of the mean lies he had said, and I wanted proof that he had said those things. Why? I don't know. I was sick of the people who thought he was the good guy. But Thursday morning, I finally realized what a burden I was carrying with me. There was no reason to keep all of them--my "proof", which is basically another way of saying my bitterness. It was the strangest experience watching them all be erased, all 170 of them (that may sound like a lot, but I had only saved the "important" ones). I literally felt like I was watching myself lose weight. My anger dissolved. And throughout the day, listening to speakers talk about forgiveness, I just felt lighter and lighter. God is supreme, He caused me to go through that pain for a purpose. At this point, I look back at it, and I can still feel some of the hurt, but I don't feel the anger anymore. Hating Dusty is hating my Savior, and I can't do that. I forgave him. Now I'm just curious to see how God's going to test it.

Rachel and Sarah were ridiculous all week. I love those girls--even though sometimes Rachel can be a BIT stretching lol. Every day, we took a 20-minute walk from the hotel to the stadium and it was like, -200 degrees...not really, but it was ridiculously cold. So we distracted ourselves by singing. We sang "A Thousand Miles" like 3 times every walk, and we had this whole dance to it. Rachel made an excuse to talk to guys whenever possible. She is also one of the scariest people I know, because when she wants to be somewhere, she GETS there. And little Sarah...we picked a seat once where she was too short to see the stage, and she goes "Guys, I'm like a little Zaccheus--where's my tree??" We were on the escalator, and Rachel was making some joke about Sarah being retarded, but she turned around and knocked all three of us down. I was yelling at her when some guy standing next to me looked at her and said, "Excuse me, I'm sorry, but did YOU just call HER retarded??"

And when everybody was waiting in line to get into the stadium, song would burst out. The favorite song of the conference was "Hakuna Mungu Kama Wewe", and we heard it several times a day by people walking around, waiting in line, and packing in before the stadium. There was a dance to it, too, so it was pretty much the bomb. Father Abraham also broke out once. Schweet.

I got a bunch of free stuff too. Two waterbottles, some calendars, a hat, pens, chopsticks, candy, a frisbee...I'm not going to lie, I only stopped at some of those missions booths to get free stuff.

We stayed next to the St. Louis Arch, which was pretty sweet.

Breakfast was amazing.

One day we had a "solidarity meal" where we had to eat like many of the world's poor. Dinner: one tortilla, beans, and a one dixie cup of water. I never heard the end of it from Rachel.

We met a bunch of cool new people. Half the people at that conference were Asians, and our favorite new friend was Jenna Oh. She was in our family group that met nightly and had a good ole time.

Worship was amazing. We danced the whole time, and THAT is my kind of worship.

A lot of cuddling happened between the three of us, because we were always sleepy. Rachel and I were definitely snuggling on the ride back because that van was FREEZING. My toes were numb!

We ushered the new year in with communion and extreme worship. Counting down during the song "Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So" is definitely the best way to start the year off. Best New Year in my book.

Speaking of the fact that 2009 is over....

I'm going to put a little word in about how my life has changed this year. It's been one of the most radical years of my life. I got through my freshman year. I became single. I was a camp counselor--which is life-changing in itself. I went to Oregon. I learned a ridiculous amount of things in one semester. I grew way closer to God. I found my call to be a missionary.

Growing pains hurt at the time, but they make one more beautiful than before. I am a changed person, and I love it. I still have a lot of fixing up to do, I've still got my struggles, but God is very, very good.

Song of the day: I Have a Hope.